Oh and I knew it was the right thing for me...I felt really proud of how I handled myself on the dates, the decisions I was making to not let a relationship interfere with the routines and time I'd built with S (even though the new guy had to go back but still I was consciously thinking lets not go with a flow think about how much time, when, etc you would spend dating and away from S) and that instead of floating away with the butterflies in my stomach I looked at it pragmatically.
I was literally afraid of the backlash thing here. I know how I've felt when others have put that they were done, or going to look for a new relationship and I was worried I'd get a lot of "well only you know when you're truley done" I don't know that I'm truley done but even if H turned around today I'd have a lot to consider. I became more and more aware that maybe he wasn't or couldn't be the partner I wanted. I'm not racing to find a new partner like in the past I'm just leaving more windows open!
