lmao...im sorry...i find it funny..my sitch anyway..i am detached.. i am done beating myself up. she cant do a whole lot more to hurt me. maybe she isnt trying to. either way, i am happy for her. she seems happy from what i hear.
i am not defending or making excuses. i am taking care of myself. this woman likes talking to me and wanted to do something, so i did. i dont know what her motives are. i dont really care. i wasnt trying to sleep with her. we had food and good conversation. she is totally my type so that made it all the more fun. are we going to do it again..who knows? was it coincedence that we met? not at all. i contacted her about OM. from there it went.
am i taking care of myself? yes i am. i am not expecting anything out of this. i had dinner. i had fun. would i do it again? more than likely. am i pursuing her? not at all. i am responding when i feel like it. in regards to my marriage. its dead. i havent given up. i am just not trying to save it. i cant talk to W. protection order and all. frankly i dont know if i want her back. her actions have been disgusting and hurt me a great deal. even now with the PO she sends me rude nasty texts. i dont even talk to her and havent for about 2 weeks. i have dropped the rope and i am being selfish and thinking about me. what can i do to be happy? what can i do to be a great dad? that is where my focus is. would i bring a woman around my kids as a girlfriend or a date. no way. totally unfair. when i dont have them it is nice to do stuff with people.
im sorry that i find it amusing. you gotta admit it is totally jerry springer stuff. lol i am trying to find humor and happiness. im sick of lonliness and hurt. i am laughing right now and smiling. i dont think its a bad thing. maybe ive just lost my mind. who knows. i do appreciate the concern and i am being careful. i know what i want in a R. i know what i want in a W. im never going to find either if i dont try and think negative all the time.
i can either cry all the time or laugh and smile. im sick of crying and smiling feels good right now. my heart deserves a smile once in a while. not because of this woman. because i am getting back to the real me. with improvements. my confidence is coming back. my negativity is going away. =)
