Paint it Black (OH Heck No, Paint it PINK!)

[WenikiTiki]

My STBXH is headed back from his 2 week trip. And he did not contact me at all, after the initial text telling me he had arrived safely. He even quit sending me moves on Words With Friends. Actions do speak louder than words.

For all the mixed messages I feel he gives me, this past 2 weeks has been a plain message. He has moved on. It still hurts a little. But part of the process. I still find myself thinking about doing stuff for him, and just need to stop.

I was watching "Breaking Bad" and the main character was being told by his wife what she wanted him to do, as far as treating his cancer. And he said that he felt like his whole life was just being told what to do, never doing what he wanted, always doing what he was supposed to.

And it makes me sad that I was so engaged in running my H's life for him. And the fact that his parents were so thankful that I came along just shows the dysfunction was there before me. So they ran his life until I did.

Today I did a bunch of yardwork, pausing in the middle to run and get gas for the mower, because I was left an empty tank. (GRRR!) I did all my laundry, vacuumed all the sand out of the car and truck from all my adventuring and even made a small dent in my mending pile.

It has been a sad day for me. I just keep trying to step through it. Reminding myself that I need to mind my own problems and let everyone else mind theirs.

I was listening to Bob Dylan, Jack Johnson and Meatloaf today. Dang, have those guys had some heartache? Cracking myself up. And the song "Idiot Wind" by Bob Dylan could just be the theme song for MLC. Listen to the words sometime.

Well, I just got a funny phone call. I made a lamp for the bar where my DIL works. It is a round Japanese paper lantern, big, and it has about 100 little drink umbrellas mod podged on. A woman was going crazy for it, so they called me to set a price. She offered $300 or $200 and a round of shots for the house.

I told them $100 and the round of shots...... We shouldn't take advantage of rich drunk tourists. People are funny. I have made many things for the bar, tiki stuff. And they were all smaller and have been stolen. I used to be big in tiki stuff, used to sell it on eBay. That is where I got my screen name.

Anyway, I have been asking the universe to give me a little direction with my plans for the future. And that was a full on ray of light. I need to keep creating. I don't care if I get rich. I just love it when people like my stuff. I make so many different things.

Aloha,

Wendy