It gets frustrating to always be there for her and not get anything in return. But I guess that what love is. Just doing things for the other without expectIng anything in return.
This is one of the first things the DR book talks about. If you want to turn your M around then you have to be willing to be the one to do all the work at first.
Your goals are great. I think that's a great start!!
You will look back on this hard time and realize that you learned a lot about what you're capable of. What you're feeling is normal. Sorry for your pain today...
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
Tried a 180 when W came by for D. I was finishing up Yardwork and other stuff. Didn't have any plans really but acted like I did. She told me I could hang around since her & D were going to a movie & to her dads to go swim. I told her I had stuff to do. I showered & got ready. Put some cologne on and acted like I was on the phone confirming plans. Just wanted to make it like I wasn't just sitting around doing nothing. What I ended up doing was going to the grocery store(W doesn't go, so I try to make sure there is always food in the house for W & D when I'm not there). Brother called me & asked if I would watch his kids while him & his wife went to a movie. No problem. Afterwords I might go to the local watering hole a reward myself with a few beers and some adult conversation. I need to get out & meet new people.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
1. Find interest in something 2. Feel good about self 3. Do not dwell on sitch 4. Be positive 5. Get my things in order for when W moves out 6. Stop talking about W so much 7. Focus on D an keeping her stable
While these are good goals, how are you going to accomplish them? You need some actionable items.
# 1 is interesting. Do have an interest in anything?
Let's make something up, like, you're interested in learning to play squash. What would you do to learn?
1. Find out more about the game, rules, equipment, etc. 2. Do people play squash in your area? 3. If so where? Perhaps there's a Meetup Squash group. 4. Contact the meetup organizer or the squash league. 5. Make plans to be at the next event.
What you have written are objectives, now you need small, measurable goals to help you reach those objectives.
Good luck with squash!
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
It's really hard to not try and contact W during the day. I've been up & down all morning. Part of me gets angry & wants W to just leave. I'm mad that she doesn't want to try and work on things. The other part of me wants to just be patient and remember to just be the loving person that I am.
Be patient. I suggest doing what labug said. Attainable goals are good. It's a fast way for you to feel better about yourself.
My sitch is ridiculously hard. But who's isn't, right?
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
