New to this and hating it.

[Jannie]

Hubby was holed up in the den playing video games for years. Withdrew from me, the kids, family and all friends. He only complained about work causing stress. At first he still did family things with us but never did anything around the house. We fought about that often. Over time, I lost the fight and just let him play his games. I went to all the kids' functions and took them places for fun and hung out with friends. I could tell we were growing apart but never thought it would end our marriage.
Prior to this, he had even been withdrawn at work and his quality of work was down. There was another issue at work which nearly cost him his job. He was required to go to counseling. He first had to go to his MD and was diagnosed with low testosterone and clinical depression. He refused anti-depressants but did take meds for the low testosterone. He went to counseling. They talked about what causes his stress and since he was unable to make a job change to reduce the stress, they discussed ways to deal with it better. He told me that and that he regretted having a second child. After all the counseling sessions and taking the medication, he got better for awhile. Seemed happier and did more things with us. A few months later, he decided he didn't like the meds and went off them. He was closed up again.
About the second child...he didn't want one and it was always an issue with us. We fought about it for years. One day I handed him my pack of pills and said if he didn't want to have another child then he needed to figure out the birth control. He did. We had sex only the first couple of days after my periods. After a couple of years, I began missing periods and found out the I have polycystic ovaries. The doctor offered fertility drugs if I wanted to get pregnant. I refused since my husband was not on board.
After a lot more discussion, he agreed to a second child although he wanted to wait another year. I knew he was only giving in because I may not be able to conceive. That was okay with me. I just wanted him on board to let nature take its course and see what would happen. Luck was on my side and I became pregnant.
He was stunned and said he didn't want to tell anyone until the pregnancy was confirmed by a doctor. That worried me, but then he went to work and told everyone. He was excited about decorating the nursery and a doting dad when our son was born.
A couple of guys he works with had children around the same time. They always compared their children with each other. My husband was very proud of his boy. I had no reason to believe he resented him.
Then! Ten years later he tells me he regrets and resents me for having him and also regrets and resents our son.
All this happened in May. June 14th he moved out. We didn't fight about it. He was tense living here after dropping the bomb so it was difficult to say the least. I was able to keep calm until he started acting like an old fool by suddenly keeping company with a younger crowd. Then he took in a roommate...female and young. I would like to believe him when he says they are just friends, but I'm not that naive. Maybe they are, but even so, it does not look appropriate for him to have a roomate just a few years older than our oldest child.
Fights began after that and lasted about two weeks. A lot of mean things were said. My self esteem was crushed. He wanted no contact at all and didn't even make plans for the kids.
We barely speak now but at least we are cordial. I've read the books. I even knew to stay calm before reading them as we had similiar issues after our first year of marriage.
Anyway, today I still leave the door open for our marriage even though he gives me no reason to believe he'll ever want it again. I am stronger and have a network of supporters. I don't even like who he is at the moment so it's been easy to just let him have space. I leave the door open because I believe in marriage and keeping our family together. But honestly, I'm doing my own soul searching at this time.