Thanks Starsky, and I agree-- he needs professional help.
Which he is getting for some of his issues, but not the biggest issue he has-- which is using this affair as an escape mechanism from his real self, and then trying to pull me in as his "lifesaver"
and no offense to him... but I can't take on that responsbility. Its too much to put on me. I told him so also. I basically said what you said, as far as I am concerned, your behavior is not one that is consistent with a husband who wants to work on this marriage and I also said, if you put yourself in my shoes, you would not be here. If consistently for six months I left you to go sleep in another man's bed, you would not be here. So you can't expect me to continue to hurt this way, just because you are not strong enough to fight for the life you want.
I am firm on my separation agreement-- it takes care of all the financials and plainly states that he has to inform me of when he is coming to the house, as a respect of my privacy and my decision to not be there.
For now, I am avoiding him, because time with him right now is not productive. I am moving forward, learning and goal setting. Focusing on my work, and engulfing my life with anything I can, other than this affair and my crumbling marriage.
Sometimes I want to just leave the state, and go home to my family, but I know that running away isn't always the answer. I have a good job, that doesn't come along everyday, where I get to give back and help others. I have two loving dogs that I love being with and a home that I enjoy, just as long as he isn't here. I can go swimming when he is here and ignore him. I know he will try to call me during work tomorrow and I already decided to turn both of my phones off...
again... baby steps... but getting stronger each day... and healing myself and hoping my husband can do the same...
If he is ever serious about this marriage, I would say that we definitely need MC, which is FREE with the military, and has NO effect on his military career-- he just uses that BS as an excuse...
anyway, thanks for listening as always... I am hanging in there and being strong... and focusing on ME
M-28 H-28 M-9 1/2 years T- 12 years PA- 01/02/12 (still going on)
