Mac, I don't "want" to see ANYTHING. If this is just your coping mechanism, and not your normal demeanor, and it helps you get thru this crap, then hey -- whatever works for you.
I do think you need to find some sort of equilibrium here, however, as you seem to swing pretty manically from pathetically missing her to being really angry and "F it! F her!" and then back again. You want to try to get to a place with her where your demeanor is basically "Hey, love ya babe, but I don't NEED you. I'd love for you to be the frosting on my cake, but I've realized that I need to be my OWN cake in my life, and I'm pretty cool with myself and now realize that I'll be fine either way."
