OK, I read the rest of your post, and I'll say this:
Your husband is either really clinically depressed and perhaps even suicidal, or he's not. If he isn't, you need to call him on his CB (crap behavior). If he IS, then you are not trained to be the one to help him deal with it. He needs professional help.
The landscape is littered with spouses who try to "heal" they're drowning spouses, and instead they get sucked underwater with them. You are not his therapist, and these convos are toxic to your own emotional health, in my opinion.
