This is not looking good! (Long post...)

[jks]

What you're suggesting (a PA) is a short term fix to fill a void that you're feeling inside. Do you want a short term fix that has the potential to make you feel worse about yourself and your situation? Or do you want to rise above, keep your self-respect, stay faithful, and find happiness from within?

Mab, I know you're struggling. But the last thing you want to do is involve a third party and make things more complicated. I think you know in your heart that taking that direction is not the answer.

You are going through some of the very same stages that I have gone through. I was having these thoughts of wanting attention from the opposite sex, whether it was H or not. (I would not say I would take it as far as having a PA... no offense, but I'm not that kind of girl.) But I did feel like my self-esteem was starting to get so low because of all the rejection I was getting from H. (And he was openly having a PA!!)

However, I soon came to realize that H is the one I love. My heart is not done with our M. I don't want to make things worse. My self-esteem is the issue and that is where my focus should be. Not transferring my pain temporarily to something else.

Do not add to your pain. Your NEED to cling to someone is the issue that needs your attention. Maybe IC can shed some more light on this.