This is not looking good! (Long post...)

[MrBond]

"I just can't believe I'm having to do this."

Then don't. You're not doing yourself or the people you're with any favors if you go out with a p.o.'d and negative attitude.

You don't need to force yourself to do something you don't want to. Start with doing what you like to do and then build up your PMA from there.