Tips for the Spouse with the Higher Sex Drive

[25yearsmlc]

25yearsmlc, wow, you're not giving me much credit. Seems you take some hilarously negative interpretations on some of my comments. I guess my humor is not showing in my writing.

That's true apparently. I didn't think you were being sarcastic or witty. Sorry.

Yes, I come here to get a different perspective, or more normal one.

I didn't mean that literally EVERYTHING is seen as playful. I'm not that stupid.
-- I would have loved her giving me unexpected crotch grabs all through our marriage. But to her, apparently, it was more of a jokey kind of humorous thing. Some with some other fantasies and role-play. It surprised me that she thought it was fun only once, apparently just as novelty. Now her attitude is more like, well, we did that when we were young and we don't have time for that now. And my reaction is, huh?
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What has been annoying to me personally (and this is not your fault in any way, but it's my own situation) is hearing all the well-meant advice such as you are giving, with the assumption being that surely, any woman will want sex if only the man does the right thing. And this just isn't always true. One of the most frequent problems in sex therapy is low female desire (quoting real stats here, not my distorted impression) and the cause is not always that their husband is a clod.

I get that. My question is why come here? There are only 2 options for you. 1) Work on making the marriage happier for you (and hopefully her)

OR 2) NOT

and if not, then the natural follow up is "WHAT THEN?"

But whenever you are asked THAT question -

your reply is something along the lines of how your marriage is "very good except for this one area" and or "sex is not the most important thing..."

and I get that too!

But here you are, on DB's site again, talking about how hideously low your w's sex drive is.

And I don't know what to tell you - b/c this is a solution based site. We want solutions, not commiseration, at least not beyond a certain point.

What can we SAY to solve your problem when you say it is NOT solvable?


Who gave me sex "freely"? My wife, when we first met.

when you FIRST MET or first married? IF it's in marriage, that's not quite the same. Truly, No offense intended.


We had a good time together doing other things, and a request for sex was rarely turned down.

And no, I'm not watching too many TV shows. Over the years, I've had a number of real young women suggest a lot of things were on the table once we were on friendly terms. And as a woman perhaps that surprises you because I suspect women generally don't tell their female friends that they indicated they were available and didn't get anywhere with it. It sure surprised me the first few times it happened. But I'll agree that in the end it wouldn't have been "free". So fear of consequences has kept me out of trouble.

I like your example about the older women. I want to believe they're mostly like that

Well I hope most older women are. The ones I know tend to be. But the question remains about you.

Assuming you are right in all your predictions about your wife's choices

then Daddy has a point. She is NOT willing to put your needs ahead of,
or even with, yours. No one here thinks that's okay.

What will you do about that?