Look on medscape.org for an article entitled "Importance and Practicalities of Patient Counseling in the Prevention and Management of Genital Herpes".
It's addressed to physicians but would answer many of your questions, I think.
One of the main points is that 1 in 4 to 1 in 6 adults has type 2 herpes - and most don't know it. The author makes the point that you may actually be at most risk from sex with the person who doesn't know they have it - and that asymptomatic shedding of the virus is the cause of most new infections.
In your situation, one step you could take is to get blood tests to see if you already have antibodies against type2 herpes - since if you already carry the virus, you wouldn't have to worry about transmission. Many people have never had a known outbreak but do carry the virus. 10% of men, 20% of women according to the CDC.
If you don't carry the virus, I guess you have to ask yourself how much worry it will cause you over time. The rate of transmission from female to male is about 4% per year. Even though the rate is low, is it going to put a damper on your sex life going forward?
