LRT - Checking Progress

[LostIn407]

"You stated earlier that you didn't even know if you were wanting to work on the M. What did you mean by that? You seem like you really want her in your life? What is it that you really want?"

Confuses me too. She will be in my life regardless for the next few decades as she is the mother of my Ds. I would at least like to be friends.

Regarding working on the M, I don't think I am at that point right now. I think it would lead to disaster at this point. There are too many things we haven't resolved. I am a trusting person, to a fault. I trusted my wife 110% and she cheated. She has apologized for it, but the trust isn't back. When we aren't together, my mind wanders into bad areas thinking about what she is doing.

Can I say 100% she isn't doing things I don't agree with? No. Therefore, I will not start working on or discussing the M. We are working on being truthful with each other right now. She isn't hiding things from me.

What I am doing now is probably pretty dangerous. I am spending time with the W. We are basically dating. We have lunch together. We go on dates. We spend a lot of time together. Are we physical? No. Maybe some hand holding, small kisses. The biggest gain has been the time we spend together and the depth of our conversations.

I will say that I think the relationship I have with my W right now is better than the last year. I think the last year was basically just going through the motions. We didn't spend time together. We didn't talk about anything other than the kids. We had no goals or plans for the future. We barely slept in the same bed. We stressed over finances. Just two ships passing in the night.

Today, we make plans together. We are putting the focus on our happiness and not just the kids. We actually talk about things. Money isn't an issue.

When this happened, I got the standard responses: ILYBNILWY, she was no longer attracted to me, etc. Maybe the W still feels this way. Maybe she doesn't. She is hesitant to move past our current displays of affection. Will this change? I hope. But if not, I know I can move on.

As far as filing for D, it isn't in my mind at all. I doubt my W is considering it. It has never really been a topic except for when I was at my lowest point.

When this first happened, I didn't know right from left. I don't have the direct path to my destination, but I am confident my ship is pointed in the right direction and I am in control of the boat again.