W wanted to talk to me last night about a better schedule for D. She had come up with one and it seems like that's the only one she is going to keep. Maybe I'm being stubborn. Also, she said she needs to move out in a few weeks because there won't be any room at her dads since her brother & family are moving in there.(relocating from out of state). She says "I won't have anywhere to live". I thought to myself "What about at home with me?" I didn't say anything because obviously that's not even an option for her. Feeling really sad. Like this is the end.
I guess I just have a fear of her moving out and loving every minute of it. She loves her new life, finds someone else and never looks back. I've always been afraid of her leaving because of my insecurities and now it's happening.
Money is going to be an issue when she moves out. For her it should be fine. She will probably be able to keep the same lifestyle. I, on the other hand am going to be struggling. It's scary.
Of all the places to get inspiration. Today I am trying to figure out what I'm going to need to do to keep our house. Cut back here and there. Refinance and such. I had asked W what about things that are in her name. Like utilities and satellite tv. She said that we could just keep them In her name. Weird. But maybe that's a good sign. She's not totally cutting me out. Next I called our auto insurance and the lady there let me know how much it would be just for my vehicle. The funny thing is she remembers when I got divorced about 12 years ago. I told her I was trying to work on my current marriage and she said just keep on working on it. Made me feel good. So, W is not totally cutting me out of picture and I'm getting a little encouragement. Really is helping me out today.
So is W telling me that utilities can stay in her name a sign that maybe she's not sure? She is also willing to help me refi our house so that it could help me out. To me it looks like she is not fully leaving or cutting me entirely out of the picture. Am I looking into it too much?
I need some goals for the relationship & myself. For the relationship: 1. No arguing 2. No asking what she's doing in free time 3. Be polite 4. No pointing out what I think she is doing is wrong 5. No snooping
For myself: 1. Find interest in something 2. Feel good about self 3. Do not dwell on sitch 4. Be positive 5. Get my things in order for when W moves out 6. Stop talking about W so much 7. Focus on D an keeping her stable
I am missing the companionship of W. That is what I am fighting for maybe. It hurts and I miss it so much. I just need patience. She asks me for favors and things. Just yesterday I was at breakfast with my mom and she asked me to bring her a muffin while I was talking to D. Of course I did it. I've always been dependable and given her whatever she has asked for. The day before she wanted to borrow truck for work. I told her sure, it is both of ours. But just earlier in the week she said she doesn't need or want anything from me. It gets frustrating to always be there for her and not get anything in return. But I guess that what love is. Just doing things for the other without expectIng anything in return.
