I worry about your wellness. Consider attending support groups. My dad was loosely diagnosed BPD and is a recovering alcoholic. In al anon I hear of these stories.

Take care of snowman.

M 42 H 39
T10 (-2yrs separation)
S8 D5
DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA)
Reconciled 6/2013
Separation in works 1/2017