My story, my progress, my hope

[Tinman]

Thanks sayitaintso, It is a struggle for me as I am not sure what she wants or needs. I hear the advice on here to give her space and I have been doing that, even though it is difficult. Part of my difficulty is that my W does not believe that I love her, she thinks that I only loved what she could do for me and my kids. She has been amazing and yes I took advantage of her kindness (not purposely) by letting her do too much for us emotionally, and for that I am truly sorry. She thought she could make everything with the crazy ex all better and I let her try. She has reshaped my daughter’s lives and shown them what a real mother could be like. She gave of herself without getting what she needed from me. She wanted to be appreciated and loved for who she was and while I tried the best way I knew how, I did not give her what she needed. After reading the 5 love languages I feel like my eyes have been opened to what she really needed from me. If only I had read that book and understood before she decided she was Done.

For the first few months I was in a very dark place trying to figure out how to save my marriage and prove to my W that she is it for me. Add to that the initial crying, begging, groveling and playing the role of door mat. So yes I am sure I have lost the respect of my W but at the same time I feel like I need to be there for her to try and prove my love to her. My W is so worth fighting for, I just need her to be willing to stand in my corner again.

In the last few weeks I feel like I am in a better place. I have been keeping busy getting my life together, trying to be someone only a fool would leave. I have been reading every book possible, reading and writing posts on this form. One of the biggest helps has been the feedback I get from Mach1, labug, you and a few others. I go back and read the posts and yes sometimes I see that I am making the same mistake over and over. It is a struggle for sure.

I was not going to say anything to her about her test but I wanted to let her know that I knew it was a big day for her and let her know I was pulling for her.

Did I expect anything back from my call last night? Not really but sure was hopeful to make a small connection. She did text me but was pretty short and said she was very busy. She does not think she can pass the test today and is concerned.

Going over to an old friend’s house tonight to hang out so that should be a nice change of pace.
Thanks again for the comments, I can’t tell you how helpful they are and what a relief it is to hear how bad I messed up this time