I was in a SSM as well for many years. At one point I stopped asking to see how long it would take for W to want it herself. After a year I gave up and W hadn't even noticed that we hadn't had sex. The common theme of that period is that my kids were 3 and 5 at the time.
My kids are now 13, 11 and 7 and the demands on our time and energy are exponentially less.
After the bomb when W said she wanted to make things work I did have her read the SSM and that's the only book she read at my request. She did change and we are having sex more frequently, at least once per week. Its not all roses however. One agreement we made is she gets to decide when -- each time I try to initiate I get rejected. Also, she makes it clear that its "for you" and that she doesn't intend to enjoy it. That's probably better than not getting it but certainly far from satisfying.
A few thoughts -- a 3 and 5 year old will suck the life out of you, you may see things naturally get better in 4 years or so. Are there things you can do to take on more child responsibility yourself, let her sleep in etc? Can you afford a nanny to help out part time?
I also think you need to have a serious talk with her about your needs and tell her you want to work with her on a solution. When she married you you gave her the exclusive right to meet your sexual needs. You cant take care of that by yourself or with someone else -- she is the only one that can satisfy that need for you.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
