from the WAS to being walked away on

[strongerthanever]

Wellll, I did it, exactly like I said I would.

He did a 180, just like last time. After feeling my distance he was saying things like

-do we have to accept this
-i would still love for my family to be together....blah blah blah

Yet when it came time to act on those desires he said things like

-honestly I'm scared right now


This time, He was even more open about wanting us to be together, and when I asked my question (above), he said

-my thing is, will it be the best thing?

I answered

-if we make it, if we treat each other the way we wish we had last year

And then no more discussion.

__________________________________________________________

I had a suprising reaction! I was so turned off. I didn't say anything. My perception of him changed in that second. I saw him as a young boy who was unable to stand up for me or our family. No judgement, this is his life too. I'm just not interested in pursuing a R with someone like that. The person he has developed into is not the person I want to share my life with.

And here's the funny part! After having that "no hope" feeling, I would cry, pace, cry, beg to God...but none of that happened. Felt weird. I tried to cry, felt like I was supose to-but my mind nor my heart cared to go there anymore. I felt...fine, great and serene even.

I have a pic of us on my night stand, we are hugging each other. I use to look at it and would wish to feel his arms around me. This time when I saw it I had a different reaction. I looked at it and smiled. I recognized him as a man that I had great memories with and was once madly in love with. And then...I just put it away. No anger, sadness, remorse, anything! I appreciated that time in my life for what it was and then released it.

Guys I feel great! Did I just move on?

I know it is only a matter of time 'till those texts start again, and I know what my reaction will be. For the first time ever it will be "I am no longer interested in a relationship with you". I don't feel the slightest tinge of ANY negative emotion when I type or think that! I just feel...happy.

I have no desire to act in anger in any way. I don't have the desire to see or speak to him either. I'm just done, ready to move on.

This experience has allowed me to grow so much that his negative drama/situation is no longer attractive to me.

KD, I really have to thank you for the peace of mind that I have right now. You gave me the courage to ask that question, and his answer has freed me in so many ways. Thank you so much <3