Just to clarify, and I might have been misreading Brit but I was responding to this:
Originally Posted By: Brit
I thought about running away back home. And I recognised that in my life I have often thought that moving would make things better. During H and I's marriage we made major moves (over 2000 miles) TWICE...
And I decided that THIS time I would stand still.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
i think i get it labug - but i'm still not sure about who the irritated one is. in a way it doesn't matter...
journaling i feel i had a really rough day - not even sure what was going on, but i'm left with the feeling that i simply don't know how to interact with h and my brother.
they've both made me feel as if i did something wrong, and i can't quite put my finger on it. i talked to my sweet friend about the interactions with my brother and halfway through she got really upset and said it makes me crazy angry to hear what he's saying to you.
just finished this long interaction with h on the phone - wasn't very positive - first time we've attempted to deal with a financial issue that is quite sensitive. i had to get off the phone for about 10 mins, to get myself to a better place.
the same type of interaction i had with my brother earlier, started and i was like - no not twice in the same day, i won't get pulled into this.
when i called back it was a bit better and we finished the discussion with h asking me specifically to do the work. it seems as if he simply does not want to deal with anything directly. after that we both spoke at the same time - him - you're mad at me" me - "you seem a bit upset"
he didn't hear my question, so i said no i'm not mad, i just asked you at the same time if you were a bit upset. he immediately chilled out a bit, and said that this was too much and he was just really really tired. i didn't volunteer that i myself was really exhausted - just stayed quiet and let him deal with it.
then he abruptly said i've got to get off the phone as if he was overwhelmed.
so i am very tired today - i can see that there is something in the interactions between me and these two people that makes me feel really insecure. when i took the break in the phone call with h - i first sat there, ready to feel helpless and then i stopped myself and said 'zig - there is nothing wrong with what you are doing and don't let him make you feel bad because he is in an uncomfortable place. stand your ground stick to the point and don't let him take this detail as an opportunity to create a really negative interaction - because he doesn't want to deal with the reality of this and he's uncomfortable"
so i am improving in the way i see myself and moving in a more healthy direction. my friend helped me to see that i don't need to be railroaded by h or my brother. while talking to her i realized that it often happens and then in spite of that i forgive them and all i want to do is be nice and i am.
it's hard to be audacious when one is being railroaded - hmm - just occurred to me - maybe that's what i should aim for - definitely a step up from where i've been
s comes back tomorrow morning- so it will be wonderful to have him around - suddenly feel it's been a long week without him.
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
wife of h's good friend, the one i've reconnected with in the last couple of months - called to ask if i would agree to meet a co-worker of hers who is having a really hard time.
turns out she had an A - her h moved out after she confessed (and i think wanted to make things good) and it triggered off a big MLC.
when friend asked if she would like to talk with me, who was on the other side of a similar sitch - she leaped at it and said definitely - anything to help.
i asked friend why she thought of me, and she said - all the stuff that this woman talks about are what you told me about your h - you understand so much that i think you can help her.
so here i am - wondering - hmm - why is this being given to me, what will i learn here? we are meeting next friday, the three of us.
i'm just going to listen.
does anyone have any suggestions of reading materials for her - should she come here? it seems to me that the h should come here. i don't really know the whole story, of course. friend said she doesn't know what she wants or where she wants her life to go
strange development...
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
zig, the "friend of your friend" is having an MLC or her friend's H is?
If it's the friend's friend's H, then certainly sending her here (so long as YOU are comfortable with it, if she knows you are here) and also point her to research on MLC specifically...
If it's the friend's friend... then the only thing you can do is see if this person believes they might be MLC. If so, recommend they read up on MLC. There are a lot of online resources. Also she may want to seek a counsellor, specifically with that admission.
If it IS MLC, then the only way past it, is through it. Any reading resources might help a person at least understand. The introspection still needs to be done. Maybe MLC can be downgraded to a transition by someone who admits to it and accepts counselling. *shrug*
oh, make sure that you and your friend, etc... understand that MLC is not an acknowledged medical condition. It is likely the person would be diagnosed with depression or perhaps even improperly diagnosed with some PD.
Finding a counsellor or therapist sympathetic or "trained" in MLC might be important to find.
thanks KD for your feedback. it's not the h, it's the friends' friend - the one i'm going to meet - the woman
odd position, huh?
why me? grin!!
btw - i'm aware that i haven't responded to your last post. i'm "happy" to say that i haven't had time - that's a good thing - i'm keeping myself much more focused and busy!! but i do intend to.
s just came back today. i must have been on some intense journey this past week inside myself, because when they walked in i felt as if i hadn't seen him for weeks.
some huge shifts within myself this week - intense - but so happy to have taken another step forward on my journey.
this morning when i got out of bed - i looked around and just shrugged in my mind and said - i could be okay with this. there was a brief sense of what i think serenity may feel like.
so that was good!!
hope you're well?
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
Zig, I hope you are well. Just got to Paris today. A little overwhelming and sad to be alone and the airline lost my luggage but I have stopped my whirlpool of worry and am feeling better. How are you? Hugs.
