I think if your W has already expressed to you that she didn't want to go, then don't ask her about it. Just go with D and enjoy yourself. This will be a great first step to detaching.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
So hard to detach. It seems like I'm miserable while we're apart and like she's still unhappy. So why are we doing this? I don't want it.…It just has to be done?
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
She knows your plans, so go. If she decides to go, she will go. Leave it at that.
Do not change your plans because of her or you will spend the next few weeks changing your plans based on what you think she wants. This is for you and your D. Enjoy it.
I wouldn't mention it again. She already knows.
Detaching is hard. I did it then felt like I was on the right path so I took a few steps back from detachment. I am still ahead of where I was, but I lost ground. I need to detach again. I am starting to think about what the W is doing when we aren't together and it [censored]. I need to get back to where I didn't care. I start thinking the worst and then talk to her a day later and she volunteers information on what she did and it wasn't what I thought. So by thinking about what she is doing is hurting me. Must stop thinking.
It is a rough ride, but we have to be strong enough to take it.
M-40 W-33 D3, D4, SD13 T 9 YEARS M 5 YEARS ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
Well I didn't have to bring up plans to W. D did it. She asked W if she wanted to go. I had already invited some of my family but none of them could make it so D wanted someone else to go with us and she asked W. W told her she wasn't going. I could tell W was bothered by that. I just left it alone. I told D that it would be fun with just us. W was there and was a little concerned. W said she didn't know I was still planning on going. I told her that I thought it would be fun so I was doing it. Not sure what will happen but I'm fine either way. If W goes fine, if not me & D will have fun. I really am ok with it. Wasn't earlier today but I am now.
By the way, W came home early from work because she was t feeling well. Told me she was going to lay down while I finished making my dinner before I had to leave. I had planned on being done before she got home. So I said fine. I made dinner for D and myself. We ate and cleaned up & watched a little TV. I left a little dinner for W in the fridge in case she felt up to it. W woke up and watched a little TV with us. I told D I had to go. W was asking "oh do u have an appt" I said yes. She knows I'm seeing a counselor. Told her yes And I just left. Felt good.
Why do I get myself into these conversations with W? Another arguement. All I wanted to do was give her time with D tomorrow. She didn't like that it was short notice. I thought she would like it. Next thing you know everything comes out. I need to get away from her.
I don't feel good when we argue but yet I miss her. It's just that I miss our old life. The good times. She feels trapped. Just wants to move on. She tells me that she doesn't want anything from me but yet she doesn't realize all that I'm doing or have done.
Maybe letting go is going to be the best option. It will stop the fight. The fight in her towards me. I've been working to hard at keeping us together. It's just a fight. All of which we both want to end. I just need to be me. That's what she fell in love with. When she did fall in love with me I wasn't fighting her. I was just being me. Dependable, happy, fun, loving me. I can't turn my back on the woman I love. She needs me. Even though she says she doesn't want anything from me, she has turned to me in times of need. Our D is involved so I will be there always. I just need to stop pressuring and let her do what she needs to do. Even though it will hurt at times.
I'm sorry about the fights lately between the two of you. Never fun. Try your hardest to validate her feelings the best you can. Bustorama has some of the best advice on this if you can search his name and look up his posts. Take care!
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
D wasnt feeling well today so W called me to see if I could leave work to watch her. I had no problem doing it. D & I both took a nap. I had a very strange dream. W was getting attacked physically & sexually.I thought maybe that's what I have made her feel like. If I am having bad dreams about this, what is she feeling like? I know I didn't physically attack her but maybe that's what it feels like to her. Made me feel very bad.
Take care!