Moving out might provide physical detaching, but I'm not sure you are going to get what you think. However, your MIL doesn't need to have financial control.
I'm concerned that you are planning all of this and yet you don't know the first thing about setting up your own place. I'm afraid you are bitting off more than you can chew. You need to have a well laid plains in how you will do all of this....and not just jump out there....thinking it will all work out.
MrD,
How about thousands of "you can't be serious" in words, body language, tone of voice, sexual startup and intentional shutdown at period of penetration over a several year period of time. My ex, who brought me over to db-land was getting off on the neglect and abuse. So I know exactly how you feel.
Today, I tell men and women, that even an average relationship is lightyears better than a bad one.
I wish you the best, your attitude sounds positive and constructive. Sandi2, I know what you are saying, and it's nothing I've done before(living on my own). It is not really what I want to do but I'm stuck in this sitch. Emotionaly I'm pretty good at being detached, other than last night I asked for some sex. That didn't go well, W said; "Really... You can't be serious".
You people don't know what it's like to live with someone who makes me feel like I'm nesting in a thorn bush.
Some of us do know how you feel. Complaining about it is not good for your esteem either, because it reinforces it. Keep in mind some of us have been through exactly what you have been through.
That the light at the end of the tunnel is either your wife back, or a life that you cherish with someone who is thankful to have you - and not a train coming at you.
Keep the complaints to yourself, the echo is not good for you. Know that some of us are hear with you in spirit. Realizing that the devil has attack on family, positive relationships, love, proper male/female relationship format.
What do you want, a medal? Are you looking to us to validate what you did or tell you it's fine? That should come from your own sense of morals and what you want out of life.
Sheesh. I got a 2x4 for thinking about contacting an old bf to see what he's up to.
If you want to try saving your marriage, work the db program and stay out of situations where you might make decisions that get in the way of your goals.
If you want to move on, do it with integrity. If you're not sure yet, make decisions that don't close doors, that is my advice.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
"You people don't know what it's like to live with someone who makes me feel like I'm nesting in a thorn bush."
REally? I think EVERYONE here knows what that's like. You like to think you're different or that your situation is unique, etc. But the fact is that it's much more common than you think.
IMHO you didn't mess up. You were with a woman who validated you and you stopped before you both did something you'd regret. BUT the most important lesson you've learned is that you are worth something. Even if your W has destroyed your ego, you do have self-worth. Now try doing that without a woman controlling you.
The OW was right about you letting your W lead you. In fact, you let the OW lead you around last night as well. How can YOU be someone who takes the lead?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Take your W off of the medical and start learning to live on your own. Even if you may not feel like you're ready, I think you need that to learn how to get control of your own life and get your swagger back.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I'd seek advice before taking your W off your medical as you're still married and most likely any medical debt she might incur will be joint unless you D. Unless it's open enrollment most places won't let you remove your spouse with being D. But perhaps your place of employment is different and I missed that discussion upthread.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I'd seek advice before taking your W off your medical as you're still married and most likely any medical debt she might incur will be joint unless you D. Unless it's open enrollment most places won't let you remove your spouse with being D. But perhaps your place of employment is different and I missed that discussion upthread.
Today is my last day of employment on a third shift dead end job. They've offered a better position with matched pay, but it was a thur-sun 4 day week but I know as soon as it gets difficult for them to have enough staffing I'd be requested back to 3rd. I've seen it happen before and who want's to work every weekend. I need to find out who would be the person I'd seek advice about leaving W off my new medical as right now with all her doctor and plastic sergon visits are very frequet and some are not covered under my current medical. Which is still current till the end of this month and my new medical wouldn't take effect for 30 days with my new employment.
M44 / W43 Married 24 / Together 24.5 S12 S7 ILYBNILWY/Bomb: 4-15-2012 Counseling started 5-1-2012 Counseling ended 6-7-2012
