When it's a one-way street...part 7

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CV,

I think I get it. You're saying that in some cases H will seek to involve you in some decision, or you will involve H by asking him for help with something, or suggesting something you want to do together.

If you make your opinions or desires known, in whatever way that happens, H will either refute your views on the spot, or disregard them later.

In short, whatever you say or request just doesn't seem to matter to H in the details, and that makes you feel disrespected and disregarded.

Do I have that right? I can see why that would be horribly frustrating.

WRT the fan example, here's a suggestion -- you got into an argument about technical details. What would happen if you said "I don't like that fan, there's just something about it I don't like." How is he going to argue with that? You're not telling him *what* you don't like, only that you don't like it. Then, look at the fans yourself, and suggest some alternatives, and let him select from your choices.

If he keeps pushing you about *why* you don't like it, just say "I don't know, why does it matter? You can't convince me that I DO like it, I just don't"

What would happen in a scenario like that, where you didn't give him any details to argue about, and engaged in suggesting alternatives?

It does seem to me like there are a ton of things about H that bother you, but that if you felt respected and listened to, I would bet many of them would become non-issues. i.e. if he has impulse control problems, but defers to you when it matters, you may not care when he brings home some inexpensive trinket you don't like. In the context where you feel disrespected however, you're just looking for things to be annoyed by.

I was interested as well that you referenced a parallel to my sitch. I've been thinking about that for two days -- what do you think the parallel is?

I did like your lemonade example because I agree that people get caught up in the details versus the dynamic. At the same time, the details are so illuminating, I particularly like it when you quote dialog.

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