TM, As for your wife, she's still acting like an immature teenager and will use her little girl to make contact w/you. BTW, I think it's time your might want to advise your wife that when your little girl is w/you, she shouldn't be calling and wanting to speak to her and vice versa for you as well.
Your wife doesn't understand the word divorce or want to adhere to boundaries that are put in place. She's like a two year old testing the waters w/"dear old dad". Something has to change to assist her in seeing the light and the consequences of her actions.
I have told STBXW this but the problem is that my L put in stipulation that each parent has unlimited access to D1 unless it majorly interfers with parenting time. STBXW has been quoting that chapter and verse. Of course she wants all the rules that apply to her advantage, but when I use them, it's to heck with that.
If STBXW does not agree to stipulation, I will seek L counsel one last time and will go for full custody. I hate to do it, but probably need to.
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
The ironic thing is that STBXW has a degree in elementary special education, but never used it. Now she is threatening to tell the judge that as an "expert witness", she know what is best for D1 regarding education. LOL! I told her good luck.
As for me, I actually have been deemed an expert witness as a family therapist and have testified in court several times as such.
I am also smart enough to know that divorce court does not work like TV and that witnesses are not called on, etc. I think STBXW is going to have a major awakening soon regarding the divorce. She thinks that tomorrow is the day we get divorced and that is it. It is only a scheduling conference though for future dates.
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
TM, I wish you the best tomorrow. Try to remain calm and speak in a calm voice. If you have to speak to her, look her in the eye and make sure that eye contact is made. She needs to see that you are not playing around w/your child's future.
I thought that may be the case about the calls, but it's always interesting to see how an mlcer sees it...all for them and none for you when it comes to attention and funds.
I am so sorry that this is happening to you and your little one. I am hoping that there is some sort of agreement made that will be good for your daughter.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
This morning STBXW decided once again to text me at 6:50 am this time asking what time and where our scheduling conference is. I did not reply. This is really opening my eyes of how insensitive she can be.
Maybe I am crazy, but to me it is like someone trying to kill someone and then asking "Oh by the way, how do I shoot this gun? Where would you like the wound? Oh thanks for being so great about this." (POP)
As I am writing this she has attempted to call me now.
I plan on putting my nose to the grindstone today at work, with the exception of the conference. As for tonight I think I am going to finally unpack the rest of the few unpacked belongings I have left and hang some pictures.
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
Well the scheduling conference wnet quite well. Apparently STBXW's L is a dingy as my L said she was. STBXW's L came unprepared and needed more time to talk with STBXW regarding the issues. After the conference we all had a pow wow regarding the Primary Residential for educational purposes and agreed that as long as school was in my current town (to which she claims she is moving to next year) we will share primary residential. My L came up with the idea so I am going with it.
Apparently their is some 2 page draft that STBXW's L is supposed to write up regarding finances, but "since [she] hates those things" my L is going to do them. I was basically given the choice of my L does them or I have to have a hearing, which is a little more expensive.
It sounds like I will be divorced in 2 weeks as everything is in order now. I still don't like the idea, but I don't know is I can wait for something that I don't believe will ever change. I am seeing my entire relationship with STBXW and although I still remember all the good times, I see many of her individual/personality issues that I don't know if she will ever face.
As for myself I know that I have grown a little, and still have a long way to go. I think the true healing will begin in the near future, but it will be a very long process.
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
TM, I agree w/Seeking...you've grown a lot and will continue to do so. You have given this situation all that you have to offer and she's still on the Mother Ship.
As for your lawyer drawing up the paperwork, I think it's a good idea. She's very much aware of the situation and the type of lawyer your wife has. I will never understand how some of them find such dingy lawyers. My xh's lawyer was just terrible and as much "out to lunch" as he was.
Hang in there...much of the weight of this ordeal will lift once you are divorce.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It is odd, isn't it? Mine got hold of a very expensive and respected lawyer. She was not very impressive if you ask me. Lots of issues and mistakes.
My thoughts at the time? I think her lawyer didn't like her. I know mine didn't care until ex fired her L and sent a direct reply to my L. That's when my L finally looked at me and seemed to "get it" and started to care (that I'm not what the ex accused me of as if that mattered.)
D Lawyers see a lot, but sometimes even they just have to shake their heads at what people do...
TM, keep your head up. You did what you could and you have to let her figure out her place in the world and how she'll live her life.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Right now I don't know if it was because her lawyer didn't like her so much as this lawyer was doing her job as a hobby. She is a wife of a prominent judge in town and practices without any staff under her. She reported that she is basically retiring after this case. She has been known to hate paperwork, going to court; basically all the things that make being a lawyer if you ask me.
Part of me is miffed for having to pay my L to do STBXW's dirty work. I am basically paying for this divorce because my L is doing all the leg work. But I guess that might be the price of having better mental health. After all I guess it is just money.
I think STBXW took her as a L because she was probably dirt cheap and was expecting me to just do a stipulated D through her without protecting myself.
Anyway, it is now 4:30pm an I think that in a half hour I am going to break into the piggy bank, go to the local butcher shop, get the biggest steak I can find, and grill it. D1 is off with STBXW to her parent's place 170 miles away so I have the place to myself.
Heck, I might even break out the bubble bath! (I know a man taking a bubble bath... (shakes head))
Thanks for all your help!
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
