Rachael, Keep your expectations at zero. Many of them will say that they want to work on the marriage and then continue on as if they never said it.
He's going to have ups and downs and they are going to frustrate you, but you will need to remain as calm as you can. Testing of the spouse is all part of the journey and if he sees that you've not actually changed, it's one more justification as to why he wants out of the relationship. You will need to dig deeper for more patience in the days to come. If he annoys you, count to ten and walk away. The less you say to him when he does this, the better.
Enjoy the holiday and leave the mlc monster at the door for today.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Snodderly, Well the one thing that has changed is he wants to ML. Whereas before we weren't since march. He is more affectionate at times. So I have been reminding myself of the positives. I thank God that I have at least this chance and I pray that our marriage will be stronger. My husband is taking some time off and I asked him about taking time for just us. He is a bit iffy but doesn't know why. If I was one of his buddies it wouldn't be a problem. Ah me! Patience Patience! Appreciate everyone's good advice.
Hi all, I wonder, since my husband wants to work on things, Should I ask about If he has seen the OW? She does work at the same company. He was in a different building than her, but I thought I heard him tell his cousin yesterday at a family outing, that he was in the old building where she is at. Yesterday we had a good day. We went to my h's family's for fireworks and enjoyed it. H seemed okay, at times he was quiet and seemed tired. I think he was depressed a bit. I took his hand while we were watching fireworks and was upbeat to him.
Got up early this am and gave him a kiss and a hug before he left. I have made plans with firends next week and am planning on going on a hike with a friend with a hiking club in a couple weeks. Trying to keep active.
Let the OW issue go for the foreseeable future...in my opinion. It would possibly induce guilt and pressure, and point right back at you causing his discomfort. It might signal to him that the "old" you is returning, and you don't want that. He has already said its done with OW, right?
LET.IT.GO. Keep to the high ground.
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
I had read your posting a bit earlier and opted to wait and see if anyone else would post w/the same thoughts/opinions as I did...T, I agree w/you 100%.
You are allowing thoughts of the ow to take up space in your mind and she's not even paying rent. You are giving her far too much power....let this go for now. If this reconcillation is going to work, you will need to trust him. If you question him about the ow, it will show that you've not changed at all...
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Dear Snodderly and Tsquared Okay. I will defer to your wisdom and not mention it. I will keep working on me and thanks for your advice. I do appreciate it.
Dear Snodderly and Tsquared Okay. I will defer to your wisdom and not mention it. I will keep working on me and thanks for your advice. I do appreciate it.
Please just work on letting it go. You apologized for your past behaviors so please don't pick them back up again while he's at all close to being on the fence.
If you are working on the m then you'll both work to regain the trust of the other spouse. Hopefully you will attend Retrovaille, which is a weekend retreat for marriages in trouble. They have a good success rate.
You can't throw her in his face whenever you feel insecure or mad. And please don't take his outings with others as insults to YOU. It's not about you.
Make more plans without him and FOR YOU and your friends/family. Show that you don't have to have him physically with you for you to enjoy life.
It makes you a lot more appealing AND happier.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thanks all for your advice I didn't say anything about Ow. H is still depressed but today said it's not me. That's one thing he is sure of. He said I am a the one good thing in this. So I felt good about that! Ima still prayin everyday. helps me alot. So does this website. Grateful for all your advice. Thanks!
H is still depressed but today said it's not me. That's one thing he is sure of. He said I am a the one good thing in this.
From what you have revealed of H, he seems pretty logically/rationally oriented. Because I am a science/engineer type, I am guessing that for now he has eliminated you and the M as a cause of his unhappiness, because YOU changed, showed him things could be different. So he is in a depression, and trying to figure out WHAT is the cause of his unhappiness, since it isn't the M. You have to keep to your changes to keep the M out of the list as much as possible (yes, it might go back to the list of causes, but make sure YOU don't help him put it back there!).
This is a delicate time, Rachael.
I know from personal experience that pushing him, or backsliding on your changes can help him dive back into the tunnel. When W seemed to be over phase 1 and the affair, I pushed her to get things back to "normal" and restart living again...AND I backslid...result...phase 2 of her mlc, with a vengeance! Might it have happened anyway? Sure. As bad? Maybe. Do I want to be responsible for pushing her back into the tunnel a third time? Heck no!
Stay backed off, do as 25 said, get mo' GAL. Let him find his own answers, in his own time, and catch up with you. Do not push right now, at all!
Be the lighthouse!
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
