So NO sooner had I typed that H and S walk back into the living room and H says so we're going to have a couple of burgers up the road at the pub. And I say have fun..I'm going to have some left overs and he says would you like a burger from up the road with us? And I say sure! that'll be fun.
And I realize this was one of my goals when I read DR H inviting me do something OUTSIDE the house.
It was funny because I didn't feel strange or odd or funny. Maybe because I'd let myself get mad I felt a bit indifferent and then when we got there. I sorta felt like a family again but quickly realigned my expectations and told myself to stop thinking like that.
Because it was a pretty sunny night, we sat outside. I took off my blazer and I was wearing a silk halter top underneath and I know I looked amazing.... We both had a drink with dinner and I think it helped loosen us up. At first conversation was a bit awkward. I mentioned his stepdad and he mentions that GF is helping him with something business wise. A) I get that she's super intelligent, educated, and makes a lot of money B) getting involved in your BF (of 4 months) step dad's business dealings reeks of codependancy but we all knew that. I tried to ignore and move on.
He brought up something that happened early in our M. The story is a bit tedious. But basically he thought I'd laid out clothes for him (!!!!) and was blindly putting on clothes without questioning it. It freaked me out. And we laughed about it, but I remember that was the first time where I was like he doesn't even think for himself. Anyway he brought it up and said I was thinking about that the other day. And I just said...oh that was bad. And he said "I really am easily led" I am trying to read into this big picture wise....but I will say this is the FIRST time since his initial I'm going to be independent speech, that he's recognised his "drift"
He asked me about something I had posted on FB about and I told the whole story in the funny way I do making him crack up at several points. He even mimiced me doing a dance move at one point. It was like (better than) old times. S told a story and we all laughed. He sorta said something to S about how he wasn't taking care of the computer and in the past that might have created a bad dynamic, but I think all 3 of us handled it much differently. And it was fine.
Perhaps it was being outside the house but I found myself finding him attractive again.
He did talk a bit about GF who is a vegetarian but he thinks he has her turned around on seafood. I said nothing, but had several inside thoughts about how she shouldn't be giving up her convictions like that. This came after he said the burgers were so good and S said "and they're made out of meat." (I know he's so cheeky because he knows GF is a veggie)
On the way home, I, out the blue, told him that I'd sent off for my drivers license and that when I get paid next week I'm paying to take the written test. He did a literal cartoon version double take. This was always a sore subject between us. I have a DL from back home but to get one here I have to jump through hoops and I've sorta dug my heels in. Plus it's really expensive. I could tell he was impressed.
He gave me back the container that the food I'd given him last week for lunch was in and I said did you even rinse this out...and he said no, I just brought it straight from work. And I thought...but you didn't dare take it home because GF wouldn't have liked that. But I just said eww, hope it doesn't smell and laughed. (in the past I would have gotten upset that he couldn't have washed it at work? what they don't have a sink? etc)
When he dropped us off, he was fiddling with the seal on the door. And I said what are you doing and he goes just making sure my car isn't falling apart. He was leaning sort of over me to deal with the seal and I was getting out. He said I had a FANTASTIC time with you guys. And he said it like he really meant it. And I said we both know this car is held together with...and he put his finger over his lips and said ssssssshhhhhh Brit people don't need to know. And I said the secret has been out with me for 7 years! I KNOW you. And we were both laughing and it felt good. I shut the car door and he said. I had a good time guys. Brit, you look fantastic, I'll see you both soon.
I said okay bye and he left. Then S started talking about what dessert we had in the house.
I would type I don't know what to make of all that...but I just keep looking at my title. I have no expectations that any of tonight made any difference to anything. And I'm not changing my "plan" based on this. It's true I have been feeling a bit low lately. But in reality things are better between us then they have been in MONTHS. He was always the go with the flow guy and it drove me CRAZY. I liked lists, plans, timelines, goals, etc. And now I'm just going with the flow. I'm enjoying his company. I'm not really flirting. I'm being playful like I would with a really good friend. But I'm not flirting. I think that would be overkill.
Cheryl said that I need to make him feel good when he's around me and I think that's the enviornment I strive for. Even if we don't R, why wouldn't I want the person I called my best friend to feel anything BUT good around me.
