The school apparently is worried that I might miss a payment (they should be worried that she misses a payment!!!)) because then they have to take it out of 2 accounts. They want it simple. That is the initial response.
I feel like such an A-hole going through this like I am trying to punish her. But I am not, at least not 99% of me to be honest. I just want the 50/50 to be a fair 50/50. Not one where she benefits off of my sweat. I can guarantee that D1 is going to be taken care of under my roof, am I responsible for under STBXW's roof too? That is where I really feel anxious and like a jerk. It feels like STBXW is using her (self made) disadvantage as an advantage to guilt me and live off of my earnings. Maybe I am thinking about this wrong.
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
Is it possible that the two of your could work it out that you both have payroll deductions that go into one special account for the school? That way you both can see eactly what is going into that account each month.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Or why not give her the money but have the school send you a copy of the account every month? That way you could know what was being paid and when. That would protect you against her getting a discount and not passing your share on to you.
Or, you could be super-prompt and drop a check off at the beginning of every month - this would only work if you were super-reliable though.
Also, ask yourself - is this the hill you want to die on?
I offered to send her the money provided any discounts be applied to both of us and I wanted a copy of the account once a month to verify. She even balked at that because I want primary residential distiction when it comes to education. You see STBXW moved just recently to a town with horrible schools. My town has the best schools in the region and I can vouch for that as I have worked with them with my past employment.
STBXW is basing her decision solely on emotion as I have the logic backup for it.
STBXW basically told me that she wants primary residential, me to pay her directly the money for the school, and me to pay her increased child support even though she just quit her job after filing.
I will not give in to all three. I am tried of being bullied by her.
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
My L thinks I should just go for full custody and the whole shooting match. She really is sick of STBXW's antics. As for what's reasonable and the hill worth dying for, my L was the one that brought up the issues in the first place because the mediator did not address them.
I think we had a bum mediator myself. The mediation felt a little skewed in STBXW's favor if you ask me.
I had a good holiday with D1. STBXW called and was mad that I was not returning her calls. She wanted to talk to D1 because she missed her, but everytime STBXW calls, D1 cries for a half hour later because she wants to see her mother. STBXW can't seem to understand that using D1 for her own emotional needs is not healthy. I understand where STBXW is coming from, but I have to deal with the aftermath.
Of course, I called STBXW back and had D1 "talk" to her. It just seems like STBXW is using anything she can to contact me several times a day and at the most inconvenient times.
Tomorrow we have a scheduling conference for the big D. STBXW has refused to sign the stipulation. My L is telling me to wait it out and asked her L to explain the situation fully to STBXW as her L has not really explained anything to her. I think my L is hoping that STBXW would accept it as I really could have her over a barrel if I really wanted to, and she should just cut her losses.
Soon the divorce will be done, but it really means nothing, as STBXW will not change her behavior nor interaction with me.
As for me, I am going to withdraw for awhile. I will still post, but as for going out, I just don't feel like it.
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
TM, I think your lawyer is right. It may be time to address why you aren't pulling out the stops. Maybe you already have, but your L sees this stuff all the time.
A good guiding principal is to look out for the D1's best interest and realize that just because you do something now, doesn't mean you won't be able to change it later if the situation dictates it.
Keep your D protected first and foremost. The rest will get worked out.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
TM, I agree w/AJM. Your daughter has to be the number one priority right now. You are most likely too close to your situation and that's why your lawyer can see things that you don't. Also, the lawyer knows the games people play.
It's time to hunker down and listen to what your lawyer is telling you. If your daughter is not in a good school system, she will be screwed. The best time to learn the basics and have a good foundation, education-wise, is when they are in elementary school.
As for your wife, she's still acting like an immature teenager and will use her little girl to make contact w/you. BTW, I think it's time your might want to advise your wife that when your little girl is w/you, she shouldn't be calling and wanting to speak to her and vice versa for you as well.
Your wife doesn't understand the word divorce or want to adhere to boundaries that are put in place. She's like a two year old testing the waters w/"dear old dad". Something has to change to assist her in seeing the light and the consequences of her actions.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
