"you said there wasn't anything we couldnt fix. I agree. You said you wanted for your family to still be together, I agree with that too. What steps do you think we need to make that would allow that to happen?".
And then leave it at that and wait. Thoughts?
I think it's worth a shot.
Every sitch is of course, unique. While we can look at a sitch and based on general info, apply certain DB methods. Also, DB really is about doing what works, so a specific DB method can and should be modified to our specific sitch if it works.
And, when something that we are doing is not working, do something different.
I suspect that LRT is not the method for you right now and I do think that asking him to make a statement as to what he wants (which will likely be based on how he feels right now) is appropriate.
Let's see what's on his mind.
Then we can look at possible course of actions and DB methods to apply.
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So consider that I say I'm not sure I want to be M to my W.
That's how I feel... right now
And that is likely how my W feels... right now
That can change for us at any time and then change again. And we may not verbalize that to each other and / or the feelings are polar to how the other is feeling, at the time.
While my W has not yet said she'd like to try, she DID go to counselling with me about Nov of 2010. It lasted three sessions and I gave up, as I felt she really was on a path to use counselling to convince me that we were better apart. Who knows? Maybe if I would have stuck to it... again, that's the past and no point me dwelling on it.
The point is, as I mentioned in my previous post, there was a time when I DID want to be M to my W, regardless of any negatives that I knew about her. No doubt it was the same for her.
As they say... If I knew then, what I know now...
Things could be very different for us if we had applied DB to our sitch, 5 years ago...
Statistically, it appears very common that both spouses do regret a D at some point in time, after the fact. That they regret not trying harder to work things out. What is almost equally as common, is that it appears many people will never openly admit that.
I think what I'm really trying to get at is, "when" I finally have the thought that maybe I would like to be M to my W, and it does not mean to say that option would be available, well... I don't want any regrets...
She COULD change. The traits that I feel are negative might be rationalized as positive. Or those traits might disappear completely or "be fixed" by her. Just as could be, for me.
I certainly don't want to live out my life thinking that I made the biggest mistake in my life M my W. And I sure don't want to live the rest of my life rationalizing that I made the best choice to D her... "...and here's the reasons why..."
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So, let's see what he has to say...
And from there we can look at what you might do. What GAL and 180s you might want to do. What things in yourself you can change...
That will make you a better person than you already are...
A person that only a fool would leave...
And maybe your H might end up being a man that only a fool would leave...
