XYZ here again...

[XYZ]

Hi Folks -

Been a long time since I was here - close to a year now.

Time for an update.... (and a small recap).

Sept 6, 2010 - I get "we might not work"
Sept 26, 2010 - I get "I want a D"
Brief (11 day) sep Oct/Nov 2010 followed by "Let's make this work"
Well, it didn't work.
5 month sep starting May 2011. W adamant about D. I move out into an apartment.
6 Weeks later, W asks if it's too late for counseling. I reply "It's not too late for me"
About a month later, we start what would become 3 1/2 months of MC -- while living apart.
I moved home in Oct 2011.

So that was 9 months ago....

When I compare it to then, things are wonderful. We've had our ups and downs, several fights, but talk about it later and we both listen. Not a straight shot by any means. Roller-coaster!

Here's my problem: I feel we're now in a SSM. We last had sex 2 almost 3 weeks ago (Father's day). Before that it was 3 months. Before that it was 2 months. All times were "quick, let's be done and go to sleep" types.

We've discussed this numerous times. So much so that W complains that we're talking about it again.

Her side is this: she doesn't sleep, our kids are up at night a lot, school is out so the kids are up later, and she's exhausted. I even arranged a night out without kids, found the hotel ranked "the sexiest hotel" in our state, and she was too tired. I get that, and it reads just like the opening chapter of SSM.

I asked her to read SSM. She agreed to, read the first couple of pages, declared herself insulted and said she wouldn't read any more.

I'm at my wits end. I love my wife deeply, love my kids, and don't want to send my life in a passionless marriage. I'm only 40 years old. I could have another 50 years on this Earth.

Now, the flip side. W now consistently calls me "honey". She kisses me hello consistently . She holds my hand in the car or when we walk together. These things were GONE GONE GONE 2 years ago and took a long time to come back. Am I just being impatient? Am I about to give up right as I get close to winning this F&^%ing marathon we all hate? I just don't know.

I keep telling myself 1 more month, 2 more months, but when is it all I can take?

Slow progress is still progress, right?

I'm here (again - I think this is my third round over 2 years being here) because I just need to vent.

At the moment, I decided that I would give it July, Aug, and Sept and then reevaluate. I feel like I'm becoming the WAS - I express my needs and get disregarded. Isn't that exactly how I made her feel before she walked away?

I guess I need to focus on the small positives and just hope that they add up to enough sometime soon...

I'm so tired of this. If you'd told me 2 years ago what the next 2 years would be like, I'm not sure I wouldn't have just given up.

XYZ

P.S. Jack, Harrier: I've thought of you guys often in my sabbatical. Hope you're well.