I have set the following MINIMUM goals for my marriage, sex 2-3 times a week, wife initiates sex about 1/4 the time, wife wanting to perform oral sex on me (i love to on her), lots of kissing, cuddling, handholding, non-sexual touching. If I can get her this far, she will be HALF the woman she once was. The woman I married LOVED sex, had it everyday at least once, loved to perform oral, was playful, loved lots of kissing, etc. So while my goals seem lofty, I am still compromising by only asking fo 50% of what I once got. I am not asking her for anything new, she used to love to do ALL of these things before kids came into the picture.
As far as compromising with what I currently get, I can't because I am not getting any to speak of. I have had sex 4 times in the last 3 months, have not kissed her in 3 months, never hold hands, never cuddle. ALL TOUCHING im my relationship ORIGINATES with me! I want HER to originate a LOT of touching.
I guess it does not look good for this marriage since what I want for intimacy and sex, while it is not unrealistic for many couples, for my wife this will probably be impossible. SHe has to improve a lot to even come close to my goals. I am willing to adjust these down, but where she is at right now is WAY WAY WAY to low!
let's just start with a simple goal, I want to kiss my wife multiple times a day, EVERYDAY. I want FRENCH kissing when in intimate moments. SEEMS very basic to me, without kissing, a marriage stands NO CHANCE AT ALL. So if she can not kiss me, I will have to divorce her in the long run. If you can not kiss your spouse, WHY EVEN BE MARRIED for crying out loud!
So I guess the answer to your original question is that I have already set my goals about as low as they can be and still stay married to her. She is about a million miles from these goals right now. But I have not given up yet, I hope that I can become more the man she wants and lets see if that sparks a little more interest in her. I owe her at least that much.
