Respect is a major part of it -- in fact that's one of the chapters. My wife spotted the book while we were shopping at a Sam's Club right after Christmas, and she went ahead and bought it. She's read it, I haven't; all I had a chance to do was scan the table of contents and skim the chapter on sex.
As far as that single chapter goes, it seemed to me to track pretty well with SSM; same message, different phraseology. Yes, it's aimed at wives, although I suspect that a companion volume is in the works.
The rest of the contents (based only on the TOC) appeared similar to some other books I've read, including "His Needs, Her Needs" and "What Husbands Expect of Wives." I guess it shouldn't surprise any of us that we're not alone in the types of conflicts we're having.
As to the subject at hand, things have been better since she read it. I presume she's putting some of the suggestions into practice. Speaking to the exchanges between CeMar and MPT, I'd put it this way: Is it impossible to feel good about yourself when the one person you've vowed to give yourself to doesn't want you? No. Can you maintain high self esteem without the physical intimacy you desperately want and can't get? Yes. HOWEVER, it's a WHOLE lot easier if there's some reciprocation from the wife's side.
As I said, things have been better since my wife read the book. Is she manipulating me, and allowing herself to do so because she had no respect for me? I may be wrong, but I'd say not. On the other hand, if being more affectionate (not meaning sexual), treating me with increased respect and appreciation, being more willing to actually listen to what I want to say, and even being a little more available sexually (only one time other than the monthly schedule, but I'm hopeful), and all in all, behaving more toward me as if I were her husband instead of another one of the kids -- if all that is "manipulating" me, then I say manipulate away!
We're both feeling better about life, each other, and our family, and I'm not going to complain. Sure we've got a long way to go, but I can't expect everything to improve overnight. At the same time, it's easier for me to work on the things I know I ought to when I can feel her supporting me instead of fighting me; the energy I used to spend trying to keep up my self esteem (and occassionally my defenses) is now available for more productive pursuits. Our spouses are the best people to meet certain needs -- some can be met by others, sex we have to deal with -- and we married to get those needs met. Of course, so did our spouses, and we need to do our part.
HERE is Edward Bear, coming downstairs now, bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head, behind Christopher Robin...sometimes he feels that there really is another way [of coming downstairs], if only he could stop bumping for a moment and think of it.
