I read all the posts and everyone made good points. I believe alot of it comes down to respect. I personally have always catered to my husband. I cook almost everyday and am an accomplished cook. I have never witheld sex from him and participated - no spectator sport for us - but sometimes even that wasn't enough for him.
We have a great marriage now (except for the Crohn's LD effect)but in the early years he could really be a pill. He was always angry - and it didn't matter to him that he had all the sex he wanted and a geat dinner cooked - to him the laundry wasn't done or the house didn't look like he wanted or I didn't work blah blah blah.
He has been a tough nut to crack - he grew up with a mom that is very distant to his father - and he can be alot like her. It was almost like if he let down with his emotions it would make him weak.
Now - he is different - he is different with me - I am the same to him - I still cater to him but I do it because I want to not that he demands it. He has never demanded that I just did it.
I think that if you want a loving, caring, response you must be the example of it yourself. He told me the other night he has learned to love me by the way that I love him.
Are you loving, supportive, encouraging with your spouse? Are you interested in her hobbies, activities? Have you made time to take her on special dates? Have you made her dreams come true?
Being married is way harder than dating...it takes more work too. Sometimes you can be as loving and supportive as you can be and still it is not enough. It comes down to respect...Make sure you respect her and make sure she respects YOU. Don't be a doormat for her to walk on though - no respect there but be her partner. Have self esteem - it will do wonders for you.
