every few days, i'll start thinking about something, or observing it, either in myself or in h or in our sitch, and it will be on the edge of my mind - sort of just a growing awareness.
and its bloody uncanny, but i'll come to read on the boards - and there's discussion about it and others are going through the same exact thing, in the same way.
brit - it's really really hard to assume the positive - because we are self-protective to a large extent. i'm trying to see it as my latest 180 - doing 180's start with a bit of discomfort and at first we have to act as if before they get truly established.
i think it's the same here - i have to stay on top of that reaction you described constantly. my first instinct is to go to the worst case scenario, but i'm getting better at it, and so will you:0
i'm glad you had that wonderful interaction with your h this morning, there's a lot of positives there, and as joann told me, write them down and read them everyday, to keep yourself encouraged
about being martyrish - didn't even realize anyone else was reading about tit or it was resonating with anyone else here.
to further that discussion - apart from the WAS's displaying that before and after the B, how many of us LBS's go through that phase too, in some way...
brit - your comments about our feelings don't always reflect the reality of the sitch - [censored], i was starting to realize that too
i was feeling so discouraged over the last few days and then every time there was contact with h - it was friendly and opposite of what i expected because of the pic in my head, and then i would get confused about what is really happening and what i think is happening.
is that a sign that we are still too caught up in it, or rather just another result of the was's unexpected states of mind!!
it's true I was being a victim in "I'm a single mom now...he doesn't help me with things, I must be independant"
I did this^^ - until just recently . i think it mucked things up a lot between us. i'm only seeing it now and have changed it and the result - he is much more approachable. lesson learned: those ^^ are the subtle types of pressure we put on them, that we don't see, and that they take as clear signs that we are angry, unforgiving and do not really agree with what they are saying.
otoh, we have to do it first to find out that we can be ok on our own - at least i had to. the advantage of doing it is also showing them a bunch of 180's and taking off pressure. but i've found that it was a bit of a catch 22, in the long run.
hope you all have a great day -
(((( ))) Zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
