My story, my progress, my hope

[Tinman]

Thanks RachingHigher, About 30 min after I posted yesterday my W called. She made mention that she was craving sushi and asked me if I wanted to join her. So we went out for sushi and then went to see a movie. She wanted to sneak some Seagram’s in to mix with diet coke. So drinks with sushi and then the Seagram’s at the theater I was a bit snookered. I am not a big drinker and have not been like that in a very long time so maybe that was my 180 for the day? Cheap date I know. Lucky she was driving.
Anyway, it was a decent night. Then to end the night she text me and said “thanks for the fun evening!” to which I responded “It was fun! Thanks and I still miss you but I guess I better get used to it. Take care love of my life!” I then text her and thanked her for being such a good mother to the kids and sorry I failed her and that the room was spinning” to which she responded “focus on the light… it helps!”
So yes drinking and texting are not a smart combination and unfortunately there is no way to take that back. The evening left me wanting more and a little sad at how distant she was at times.
I just wish there was something to push me one way or the other. Like if I found out she was dating I think that would be enough for me to end things and move on. We have only been married for a short time and only known each other three years, we don’t have kids together (mine are very much attached to her and I love hers but her boys are not nearly as attached to me as my girls are to her). So I guess it would be easier for me to walk away than to simply sit in this limbo hell I am in, however, I truly think that we were, and could be again, very wonderful together.
I know any day she is going to come over and ask me to sign official separation papers and I keep thinking that would be a fair time to ask for some sort of guidance or timeframe or something.
Any thoughts on what if anything to say or just keep my mouth shut and my texting separate from my alcohol!

Off for a bike ride, only thing keeping me sain right now and not sure it is doing such a good job at that.