golf mom, Step way back and do not contact him unless it is an emergency. Your h's temper tantrum needs to run its course and he needs to settle down. You do not want to fuel that fire and keep it going. Yes, you are going to be blamed for everything because he isn't looking within to see that he is the one w/the problem. It takes a long time for them to acknowledge the pain and destruction that they have caused. Some never acknowledge it which is unfortunate because they are living w/their heads in the sand.
Your children are old enough to determine whether they want to visit w/their father or not. If your h was rational and acting liked a grown, mature adult, he would be questioning himself and asking why his children don't want to be w/him. However, it's not at that stage now and thinks it's all about brainwashing, etc. Do not buy into it and the more you try to defend yourself, the madder he will get.
I would suggest that you remain in the no contact mode and when he calls, be pleasant, but stand firm. If he starts in on you about things, tell you have to go and hang up the phone. You do not deserve nor need to be verbally abused by him.
Try to enjoy your holiday...leave the mlc monster at the door for today.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
