Yes, the "erasing" of OW was a fairly recent event. Like you said, it was a VERY important milestone and needed to be done before we can move towards any kind of "real" reconciliation.
I'm still conservative about putting it out too much and declaring victory. I don't really see it as victory, just a VERY important step.
I completely agree that we have a lot of work ahead of us, but I honestly don't know how to proceed from here. Now is the time to test what I've learned about M's and R's since the bomb. It is a time when we should address some issues we've had in the past, and hopefully both of us would want to be attentive to each other....make sure both of our needs are met....to talk about how we want our M to be....not be defensive and willing to accept any shortfalls.
But I don't know we can do all of that right now. I know H doesn't really want to talk about what happened. And if I ask him about what he wants in his future, he is not able to answer me.
With the recent events of erasing OW and a job change, I will not pressure him for now. I will let him get more acclimated with his new position, try to make it less stressful. But a time will come when we will need to talk about us, and just pretend to live like nothing happened. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to beat a dead horse with a stick (I really do hope the horse is dead!), I don't want to discuss OW. All I want is to make sure we're on the same path on our future. I do want to address the many differences that H said we had and why we needed to go our separate ways.
So yes, we do need some kind of help....we need to build better communication and conflict resolution skills, and he does need to address his own issues, which include abandonment issues.
