Sorry, I didn't want to miss anything in my chunking this out, so I'm pulling a few things from your earlier post.
Originally Posted By: Adinva
I wouldn't have said "you'll never leave me because I'm golden" but I thought "you'll never leave me so I have the comfort to deal with my anxieties and overwhelming life responsibilities, and be imperfect because I know you love me forever no matter what" and I thought "I'm golden, a perfect wife for you because I'm so understanding and resilient in the face of your job stress, enormously unusual expectations of your spouse, paranoia and secrecy, complete about face about guns in the house when we had an agreement before, just a million little ways I grew and adapted as he changed over the years. I forgave him an affair! and never made him go to counseling! I really thought I was an outstanding wife to him and a good match for him.
You've paraphrased my version, but I would still relate your version to my H without any problem. This attitude is very hard to live with as a S. I think the problem is there's what's inside, which is what you see, and then there's what comes outside, which is what your H sees.
In reading this, and relating to your H if I were him, I would think, "Well, she's pleased with who she is. I'm happy for her. Unfortunately, I see it differently, and I don't feel like it's my right/job to "fix" her. At the same time, it's not what I want in a W and I can't be what she wants me to be. The best thing I can do is leave. Then she can continue on the way she has been, and I can be free to be me. Perhaps each of us will have an opportunity to meet someone that thinks more like us, and we can both be happy."
