Wow fig! First, the story of your daughter made me tear up. Thank you for sharing it with me. And just for the record...screw the old guy in church. (Jesus and I are super tight, and I think He would agree. LOL)
It really is all about perspective. You really know how to get right down to the nitty gritty don't you? ;-) I think him telling me he still plans to leave had me putting my walls back up, and not wanting to do this anymore. And if that really is the case, then why was I doing it to start with? Just to get him back, or to become a better, greater me? It's a hard pill to swallow when you look at yourself and still don't like what you see...even after months of work.
I never thought I was someone who CARED what people thought. And now, possibly facing the ending of my M, I realize I DO care...because it means I failed at something. Well, failed at something else. Seems like I've felt like a failure all my life. I'm learning that my H's issues are his own, and I can't take responsibility for them. But it still feels like I couldn't make it work.
Thank you for taking your time to peek into my crazy world.
Originally Posted By: figgeroni
are you a doormat or a loving wife, giving her husband what he needs at that moment?
Are you being taken advantage of or are you being trusted enough for someone to be vulnerable with you?
these are questions only you can answer because you are the only one that is on the inside
it doesn't matter what I see Ro...it matters what you see and feel and what your husband sees and feels
There are all good questions, and I need to think about if I'm answering them honestly or not. My H says it's too late for us, but doesn't act like it. I still feel like I could spend the rest of my life with him, but am I acting like it?
Being vulnerable is VERY hard for me. But even for me there comes a point when it's all too much. Check this out...
The power at our house was still out when I got home yesterday. Has been since the weekend. It was 90 degrees in the house, but I was still planning on staying there. I mean, why would I pay money for a hotel where A/C is? SMH I went home to get my laptop and ended up locking myself out of the house. H was still in NC, and my friend who has the extra key wasn't answering her phone. Ended up calling a locksmith, and ended up having to buy a new lock and deadbolt.
After all of that, it hits me that even with the new locks, the alarm system isn't going to work with no power. I get VERY freaked out. I call H, not to tell him this of course, but that the locks were changed and I was headed to Panera for dinner. I end up losing it with him on the phone. And when I saw losing it, BOY DID I LOSE IT. I just didn't want to stay by myself last night. He tries to console me saying don't cry and just get a hotel room. Says he wishes he was there. Tells me that WE are not that hard up for money and he would feel better if I got a good night's rest. He said he would just not eat out today or go shopping if it meant I would be okay. So to the hotel I went...and boy did that A/C feel good! LOL Crazy me would have been sitting in that house in the dark, burning up!
He called me twice last night to check in and finally to say good night. He called this morning to say good morning and tell me that he was up and on his way to take his car to the shop. (He used to do this all the time before things got bad. Once things got bad, I barely got a good night phone call, much less good morning) I think I may have freaked him out. I don't fall apart very often.
H told me if the power was not back on that we'd be staying at a hotel tonight too. I just checked, and no power. :-( We're supposed to go to the movies as well. Why does this feel like we're dating each other again?
