Anyway, you mentioned that he specifically got the rear A/C wrong, but he was all excited about something you paraphrased as "blah blah blah" - did you listen to him or try to understand why he thought it was ok to override the A/C requirement?
Yes, I did listen. It was only x dollars, so it was a great deal; it had X thousand less miles on it, so it would buy us a year or two on the other one; we could drive it for a year or two and then still get a different one; it was in great shape; the dealer was going to throw in x, y and z if we bought it the next day; etc. His "excitement" was just the process of buying a new car. He's like some people with opening presents. It could have been a rusty piece of cr@p with 500k miles on it and he would have reacted exactly the same.
Thing is, I told him if he wanted it that badly, he could drive it and I would drive the car. He didn't want to do that because of blah-blah-blah (gas mileage, car seat, miles to work, etc.) He's not good with numbers, so he wasn't convincing me of anything regarding the financial savings. I did the numbers in my head as we spoke. I also asked him why he didn't call me from the dealership and asking me if my one requirement was actually a requirement, and he said it's because he wanted me to see the van.
I told him to take it back. I walked off because at that point I couldn't even stand to look at him.
Originally Posted By: Adinva
My H accumulated so much baggage that he did not deal with about me, that it colored our every interaction and made him look unreasonable.
How would he have dealt with it? We did counseling. To the incident with the van, the counselor said, "This sounds just like the incident with the boat." What would you have expected your H to do? It sounds like I have that same pile of baggage. He and I could probably travel the world for a year and never have to wash an item of clothing.
Quote:
but you feel helpless because you don't like the alternative of dealing with it upfront
NEVER a problem with me. Absolutely never. To the bad side of extreme. A problem I'm working on (aka. blunt, abrasive, etc.)
Originally Posted By: Adinva
He sounds like he has ADD, does he? Or impulse control issues?
I don't know. A counselor once suggested that he did (ADD) but H didn't go anywhere with it. Like so many things, it's just not a problem for him.
Originally Posted By: Adinva
It sounds like you read into all of his errors or mistakes in judgement a larger message that is final and irrevocable. Like, he doesn't respect you as a human, or he is narcissistic
If I strip all of my feelings and judgment about him, the questions still remain: How do I manage a healthy M R with him? How do I enjoy him?
