Quote: What I'm struggling with here is the question of whether my H's softening is the result of his having a small change of heart or if it is because he doesn't want to rock the boat right before filing for D. I don't know how to tell and I don't want to initiate any R talks.
Hello Christine
First let me just qualify again that I speak as a Newbie!
Christine, it may just be that H doesn't really know exactly what he wants himself. Sure, he says he wants a D, but that COULD be because he has mentioned it before and feels he has to stay with it. Or, it could be because he wants one at this stage, but who knows, NOTHING in this world is static.
So my advice would be to carry on the principles you have learned in DBing (you will be benefitting from them yourself anyway!) and don't be too quick to help the D along. Wait for your H to initiate things on that front.
As for initiating R talks, if you have made yourself clear to H in so many words before, that you DON'T want a D, then he will already know that. I sent my H a note (about my still wanting our M back) as I had detached so completely I had 'moved on' and told him so, before finding DB and DR. So I wanted to make sure he knew what was in my mind. But I am keeping it to that one note and leaving it to him to initiate any R talk.
Hey, don't we all sound so wise on other people's threads?? I will have to follow my own advice very soon, H wants to 'talk' to me...
Christine, I invite you to visit my thread at "Newbie Piecer needs advice and encouragement" to read a recent long post by KAW about the time it takes to turn things around. Very good posting.
Cheers!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
