Thanks again, Adinva. You've given me so much, I'm going to chunk this out a bit so that it's not so overwhelming a post. I'll try not to miss anything, but let me know if I do.
Quote:
That's the trouble with hypotheticals that you made up and filled in all the details just so.
I used the hypothetical as a visual, something to put an example to the words behind it. The words behind it are simply, "My H invites me to share my opinion, my interests, about my life, then overrides my opinion/my interests with his own. I find it offensive." Honestly, it's hard to put it into words that actually get across what I'm trying to say. It's easier to describe in a word picture. I used to give real-life examples in my posts but that just came across as whining or complaining. Plus, a hypothetical example is less emotional for me.
For you, I'll give one. You can tell me if it helps.
Purchasing our last van a couple of years ago, the vehicle that I drove ... CV: We should probably start thinking about looking for a new van. This one is getting a lot of miles on it. H: Okay! Let me do it! I love shopping for cars! CV: Okay, sure, but there's no hurry. I'm just looking ahead. H: Got it! What do we want to get? CV: I really don't care. My only requirement is that it have rear air-conditioning, with driving S around and him in the back all the time. H: That shouldn't be a problem. Two days later, H pulls in the driveway with a different van, all excited. CV: What is that? H: It's our new van if you want it! CV: Does it have rear air-conditioning? H: No, but... blah-blah-blah. CV: I told you we didn't need to rush, and my only requirement was that it have rear air-conditioning. H: I know, but ... blah-blah-blah. I just walked off.
Is a real-life example somehow more helpful than the hypothetical? If it is, I can do that.
Originally Posted By: Adinva
You knew he'd get it wrong, it's what he does.
He doesn't always get it wrong. It's really sort of a crapshoot as to when/where/how he will. Sometimes I think he's really just trying to be creative. Sadly, he's better when we're at odds than when we're amicable. I think he gets comfortable and lazy. He's training me that I need to be b@tchy to him if I want decent treatment. Weird. Besides, even if he was like that 100% of the time and made it simple, I don't know how to build a healthy M R with someone like that.
