So much to say, So little room

Print Thread

Re: So much to say, So little room RoofTop #2259601 07/03/12 06:59 PM
Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 3,622 A AJM Member
AJM Member A Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 3,622	Me? Nothing special about me other than...well, me My story is like so many others on these boards. My ex is what she is. She does what she does. She is incredibly angry and takes it out on me. "That won't change until I change it" is something my C told me early on. She was right. I have to change things so she cannot take it out on me. I control that about me. Took a while to get the hang of that because of the things I wanted for my kids. I took a great deal of abuse and ridicule from ex to make sure that the kids were ok. Is that controlling? Perhaps. I wouldn't change that though. While I still had feelings to deal with and sometimes still do as things come up, I could have been done and kicked my ex out back in 2008 when I found the valentine day card from another man. I didn't. I chose differently but not easily. I could have cut her off from her kids. I did not but it has not been easy. We are finally at a point where I have no reason to communicate with her on any level even though we share custody. She chose that, not me. That's what I'm saying about watch the anger. You'll see why I say that below. Quote: ...but in a "I can't abandon her like everyone else when she needs me most" kind of way The thing is, that's not really letting go now is it? Be careful with that one. As you go on to mention, you can't "fix" her or make her "see" what you see. This may come across like control. I get it though. I felt the same way for a long time. I am a former Marine and I don't quit. I'm very idealogical and philosophical by nature. But I finally had to figure out that I can't be there for her. That's just part of this. That's in my situation though, and may not apply with you in the same way. Quote: My W isn't doing anything that's come as a suprise to me. I've read it all and matched it up with what I know of her and I'm not suprised at all. I often find myself thinking God is involved in her life just as much as mine in that he keeps giving her chances to stop and reflect, but she's not listening or accepting. That has to be the single most intelligent line I've ever seen. That belongs in the FAQ. And you're one up on me. I was surprised as they come at first. Deer in the headlights. There were very few things in my life about me that I wasn't happy with. Still that way. Quote: Perhaps then, it is my W who needs to prove it to herself that we're finished and she doesn't quite believe it....... She may never get there. Are you ready for that? It may keep the wound open longer... Quote: So have I detached? Yes and no I think that's true. You accept most, but are still attached. You know that though... Quote: Oh, and I do kind of feel like I'm seeing the beginnings of her wrath towards me. I don't know what she can do to me as I've not seen the brunt of her fury. But I accept the challenge, because it will only quicken her progress towards her life's path as long as I can maintain balance and stay true to myself and the person I want to be. I'm doing it for me, but I'm doing it for my kids even more. Here's the thing. She left and blamed you for keeping her from her happines. Perhaps that's true and perhaps it's not. But to maintain her course, her "story" needs a bad guy for the times her vision "almost" becomes clear. Enter you. Accept the challenge? I once thought like that. I catch myself still doing that on rare occassions. But know what? That keeps you connected and has expectations attached to it. But that doesn't really matter. It'll likely come and bravado has no place in this mix if you ask me. It also, for me, used to manifest as me wanting her to come back so I could kick her out. Ego. I no longer think like that and have not for a long time, but I remember it. My suggestion? Keep focused on you and the kids and let the rest of what comes, go. As you mentioned, she has her own path to walk, and hopefully it'll come out well for her later even if you never see it. Meanwhile, there's the kids. Be careful when her anger begins to really get a full steam as she may try to use the kids in this. You may be surprised by what she does in that area, but if you think about it, it would be hard for a mother to face her new friends without her kids and still blame you. It looks bad, right? Peace, AJ P.S. Not sure how you do it, but you really make me think. I appreciate that. "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."

Entire Thread
Subject	Posted By	Posted
So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	05/29/12 04:48 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	Jack_Three_Beans	05/29/12 09:22 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	BeingMe	05/29/12 09:37 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	05/30/12 03:26 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	05/30/12 04:14 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	BeingMe	05/30/12 06:17 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	AJM	05/30/12 07:16 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	TSquared2	05/30/12 07:52 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	canadianMrs.	05/30/12 08:54 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	05/30/12 09:35 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	AJM	05/31/12 03:35 AM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	05/31/12 07:31 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	TSquared2	05/31/12 09:00 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	05/31/12 10:22 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	TSquared2	05/31/12 10:55 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	Jack_Three_Beans	05/31/12 11:40 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	AJM	06/01/12 03:52 AM
Re: So much to say, So little room	TSquared2	06/01/12 05:06 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	TSquared2	06/01/12 05:23 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	TSquared2	06/01/12 08:18 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	06/02/12 04:44 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	06/02/12 04:46 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	06/03/12 05:06 AM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	06/04/12 12:15 AM
Re: So much to say, So little room	TSquared2	06/04/12 05:14 AM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	06/04/12 01:40 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	TSquared2	06/04/12 02:00 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	tested metal	06/04/12 02:24 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	seeking answers	06/04/12 08:17 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	06/05/12 08:56 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	TSquared2	06/05/12 09:14 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	AJM	06/06/12 04:55 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	06/10/12 01:53 AM
Re: So much to say, So little room	TSquared2	06/10/12 05:28 AM
Re: So much to say, So little room	kml	06/10/12 05:56 AM
Re: So much to say, So little room	AJM	06/10/12 03:01 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	06/11/12 08:06 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	AJM	06/12/12 08:44 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	06/13/12 08:07 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	06/14/12 11:59 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	06/15/12 12:03 AM
Re: So much to say, So little room	TSquared2	06/15/12 05:48 AM
Re: So much to say, So little room	AJM	06/15/12 10:13 AM
Re: So much to say, So little room	tested metal	06/15/12 01:15 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	seeking answers	06/15/12 02:40 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	06/15/12 03:10 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	AJM	06/15/12 03:34 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	06/16/12 04:59 AM
Re: So much to say, So little room	AJM	06/16/12 01:06 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	Kimmerz	06/16/12 04:57 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	AJM	06/17/12 03:53 AM
Re: So much to say, So little room	Queen_of_Swords	06/17/12 04:05 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	06/17/12 11:37 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	AJM	06/18/12 04:18 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	06/18/12 09:32 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	dl443322	06/18/12 09:55 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	dl443322	06/18/12 09:57 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	AJM	06/18/12 11:11 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	06/20/12 08:13 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	AJM	06/20/12 08:58 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	BeingMe	06/20/12 09:47 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	06/21/12 04:14 AM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	06/27/12 01:18 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	06/27/12 01:40 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	dl443322	06/27/12 02:43 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	TSquared2	06/27/12 02:51 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	06/27/12 04:45 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	TSquared2	06/27/12 05:14 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	TSquared2	06/27/12 05:36 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	AJM	06/28/12 01:31 AM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	06/30/12 03:53 AM
Re: So much to say, So little room	AJM	06/30/12 02:33 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	07/02/12 02:34 AM
Re: So much to say, So little room	AJM	07/02/12 06:23 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	07/03/12 03:28 AM
Re: So much to say, So little room	AJM	07/03/12 06:59 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	labug	07/04/12 04:30 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	07/08/12 09:24 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	AJM	07/09/12 12:08 AM
Re: So much to say, So little room	tested metal	07/09/12 02:49 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	07/09/12 08:45 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	tested metal	07/09/12 09:49 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	AJM	07/11/12 12:08 AM
Re: So much to say, So little room	tested metal	07/11/12 01:38 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	07/11/12 03:21 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	AJM	07/11/12 05:10 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	07/11/12 08:23 PM
Re: So much to say, So little room	RoofTop	07/13/12 08:55 PM

Moderated by Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis

Link Copied to Clipboard

Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis So much to say, So little room