Wow - checked thread before packing it in for the night and now I know why!!!!!
BUG! BUG!
But first Starsky - I guess I'm a little "frazzled" and as Serenity says "it's a little heavier over there". Not really up to having a good pummeling at the moment. And yet I really don't want (or need) yes men/woman either.
Bug - you're always welcome in my world, and it seems, everyone else's Have you been changing your .sig - its beautiful!
Oh - W got home early (see - not cuddling up to a non-existent fancy man :-). She's exhausted and hurt. She played a game which did not follow the no-contact rule
I was hoping for a few minutes of her time but she apologized and went for a lie down in bed with a hot chocolate (which I offered to make but I'll let you work out what the answer was - in a nice way).
I think the W was surprised to see me up and around. Normally I'm also pooped and in bed.
Now she's back I can sleep easi(er). Not being clingy but I am wanting - but lets keep it to ourselves eh?
And a final thought. I went through a stack of pictures - all with time stamps and in not one of them can I see anything but a smiling couple in any of them at any time before the "bump".
Planing it? My W? I think not.
Back to z'land and this time I really mean it otherwise I won't wake up tomorrow!
And a final thought. I went through a stack of pictures - all with time stamps and in not one of them can I see anything but a smiling couple in any of them at any time before the "bump".
Planing it? My W? I think not.
An awful lot can be hidden behind what we perceive as an innocent smile.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Mac I will have to get caught up again on everything in your life. Serenity's 2x4's are always good.
You need to decide if you want to be validated for your lack of actions vs. us tossing some truth darts at you so you can get moving forward again.
I would recommend you go get some free council from a lawyer. Just so you know what you will need to do if you do need one.
How self centered did you get the past year?
What habits did you repeat from the first time around?
But you know the rule.
Do not say you have changed, will change, will not change.
Just live your life like you wished you should. And eventually it will become reality.
She gave you a big 2x4 to stop with your crappy behavior. And it worked.
Crisis has caused you to start changing again.
But do you realize that your wife has to cause crisis each time for you to listen to what she is saying. And this is the 2nd time in three years.
Add in the accident and her wanting a family.
You primary goals here should be to.
1. Stop repeating history. 2. Learn to listen and communicate. 3. Learn to be upbeat and confident. 4. Learn how to be nice and not clingy.
Your hot choc...
All you had to say was that your putting the kettle on and making tea. Can I get you something? No. Well goodnight. or Yes. Ok I will leave it on the counter for you. Goodnight.
If you work it out this time. You two need to learn to communicate. As your system is not working.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
Mac I will have to get caught up again on everything in your life. Serenity's 2x4's are always good.
You sure about that? The first bit, not the second to which I agree wholeheartedly. Serenity is the only person I know who can weald a bow & arrow AND have a bazooka strapped to her back "just in case". Not so hon?
Hey I must apologise for the delay in both reading and replying - it's the time difference thats a swine to deal with!
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You need to decide if you want to be validated for your lack of actions vs. us tossing some truth darts at you so you can get moving forward again.
Truth darts yes please - lack of actions SUCK. But I feel like I'm on the tightrope between action, which may pee the W off or lack of them with the same result. Dammit! I'm certainly being positive in my outlook. No moaning (maybe too strong a word - did I do that?). Putting more hours in at work although that is a strain on the system.
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I would recommend you go get some free council from a lawyer. Just so you know what you will need to do if you do need one.
Cb - there's no such thing as free advice in South Africa. It'll cost a grand which I suppose I'm going to have to find somewhere.
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How self centered did you get the past year?
Honestly? I was in a world of my own up until about three months ago - woozy as hell in the early days. Falling asleep at 2 in the afternoon. It was February when I actually felt the difference. And February when I was allowed to drive on my own again! Scary stuff!!! Something's knitting together in the cranium! I'm off to neuro next Tuesday for a long overdue EEG. But I actually do feel fine and dandy. The danger period when "something" may have happened was months ago. I'm looking forward to saying to the W that she's right - I AM FINE.
I'm beginning to think that this current crisis has got something to do with the strain of my accident and my reliance on the W - especially in the early days.
I really do feel the need to acknowledge she was right - Honey - I'M FINE!!!!
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What habits did you repeat from the first time around?
If anything, we both fell into the "nackered at the end of a working day" stage. It was NICE to fall onto the coach and reeellllaaaaxxxxx. We were both cooking together. Watching the odd tv series (the W's of coarse). The only thing we didn't do was go out on the town Bit difficult with someone who all of a sudden didn't drink and had to be driven round and with crutch's! The drinking bit is fixed (with LOT'S of moderation).
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But you know the rule. Do not say you have changed, will change, will not change.
Gotcha!
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Just live your life like you wished you should. And eventually it will become reality.
Gotcha BIG TIME!!!!
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She gave you a big 2x4 to stop with your crappy behavior. And it worked.
I really want her to know this as a fact and acknowledge it. I can only hope that she does know but is hanging me out with the washing until she is absolutely sure. She doesn't want to make "another" mistake. This may be HER last chance as well!!!!
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Crisis has caused you to start changing again. But do you realize that your wife has to cause crisis each time for you to listen to what she is saying. And this is the 2nd time in three years. Add in the accident and her wanting a family.
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You primary goals here should be to.
1. Stop repeating history. 2. Learn to listen and communicate. 3. Learn to be upbeat and confident. 4. Learn how to be nice and not clingy.
Oh boy. EVERYTHING from the first time around the block. That's bad news. But I can do it - just gotta make it stick!!!! I was so damn happy being happy. With myself, with my W and with everyone I met. What happened to that? Because it's definitely back now. I just get the felling that people are looking at me and asking themselves "what's his problem 'cos he's being very nice!"
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Your hot choc...
All you had to say was that your putting the kettle on and making tea. Can I get you something? No. Well goodnight. or Yes. Ok I will leave it on the counter for you. Goodnight.
Me bad.
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If you work it out this time. You two need to learn to communicate. As your system is not working.
No "if". It'll be a when - determination is something I'm full of. The problem is the after bit. I'm more than happy (wrong phrase but you know what I mean?) to work on it but WE should be working on "it. Which doesn't mean hopping off to a therapist but talking has to be in there somewhere. Something the W has a big problem with
Serenity - one thing - my W is a wonderful, caring and innocent (in big dollops). She hasn't got a cunning bone in her body. This sitch hasn't been bubbling away - it's been a huge shock to me (good) and to her best friend (surprising to both me and her friend). The pics are as you see them (check FB) - honest and longed for - tears on the way 'cos it hurts to look
Serenity is the only person I know who can weald a bow & arrow AND have a bazooka strapped to her back "just in case".
LOL.... Not sure that is the image I was trying to portray, but I like it
Originally Posted By: mac-ct
But I feel like I'm on the tightrope between action, which may pee the W off or lack of them with the same result.
Then take a step off the tightrope (you know the one you put yourself on ) As long as you continue to live in fear of making her mad or upset, the less chance you have of making this work a second time around.
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I would recommend you go get some free council from a lawyer. Just so you know what you will need to do if you do need one.
I second this.... Even if it isn't free, you have got to know you have a leg to stand on. Try the law department at C.T. University, perhaps they can help or point you in the right direction.
Originally Posted By: mac-ct
I'm looking forward to saying to the W that she's right - I AM FINE.
While I understand this thought, she will just find something else to blame it on.
Originally Posted By: mac-ct
I really do feel the need to acknowledge she was right - Honey - I'M FINE!!!!
Why do you feel you need to acknowledge this? Honestly?
Originally Posted By: mac-ct
Serenity - one thing - my W is a wonderful, caring and innocent (in big dollops). She hasn't got a cunning bone in her body.
Let me burst that little bubble with one of the arrows from my back... She is female, therefore, she does have a cunning bone somewhere in her body. **Newsflash for the men, all women do.**
That doesn't make her evil, nor a witch, nor hateful, nor mean etc... It makes her human.
I have learned an awful lot in the past three years and I will admit the absolute hardest lesson to learn was to not read into anything (even to this day I still have times that I find myself doing it... Then I have to smack myself).
Reading your post, I can see that is going to be hard for you as well... But it has got to be done and take it from me, the sooner, the better.
CB gave you a line of advice that I will agree with -
Originally Posted By: chatterbug
Just live your life like you wished you should. And eventually it will become reality.
Mine did (in spades)... And I did it, without him
(((((Hugs)))))
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Let her rest and go about your day. Enjoy those nice winter nights and get some GAL in. Work on your goals. And since your both are tired at night do some very small simple things. Leave a light on. Make a nice dinner and enjoy it. Make sure you have leftovers in the fridge for the both of you. Just do not say anything. Let her come to you.
If she asks what you made for dinner. Say I made this and I made extra. Enjoy it tonight or tomorrow for lunch. Good-night.
Thats it. Short and too the point. Your not looking for anything. Your just doing what any decent husband would do.
No expectations. Not chasing. Not being clingy. Just doing a good deed.
And leave it as that.
If nothing is mentioned. Then you have a nice lunch for two days.
Then in a few days do this again.
Your tired when you come home. So get some activities in that improve the house and improve your eating habits. I am talking an hour a night.
If there is something you have been lacking on. Start it up again. Slowly. And do it for yourself.
So follow the rule.
I do this for myself. To improve my life.
And apply it to cooking pasta to yard work.
And do not ask for anything in return.
And do not start doing all her tasks as well.
She can do them. And will know something is up.
You just do your share. And be active in the morning. When your both up.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
Bit difficult with someone who all of a sudden didn't drink and had to be driven round and with crutch's! The drinking bit is fixed (with LOT'S of moderation).
