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[JustStunned]

So my idyllic respite from the drama was interrupted last night. The intimate details are not important. It is in the past where it needs to remain. I do not have time for this BS. It is sapping my energy and bringing me to dark thoughts. I am journaling here to release it. Bear with me.

Journaling: It has come to light a part of the meeting of the SIL’s last month was to inform XW to stop the BS and the sniping and deal with me continuing to be a part of the extended family. We were both invited to attend the grad party. The graduation party was a litmus test of how well we could be present at a family gathering. While we did not engage or interact with each other, what was not said and how we behaved during and since has served to polarize the extended family.

I do not want this. I am powerless to stop how others act or react. This is not a competition with points awarded for family members taking sides. XW has gotten nastier again. The nastier she becomes the worse she looks. The worse she looks the smaller her entourage becomes. The smaller her entourage becomes the nastier she becomes. It is a vicious circle.

During moments of anger with her mother she used to tell me “That women will die lonely and alone”. It seems as if she is working to fulfill this prophecy for herself.

I am not attempting to win a competition. I am attempting to be happy, to find joy. To that end I will distance myself from the drama again. I will not engage. I have no plans or commitments for the upcoming holiday. If invited I will participate if not I will find my own joy my own peace.

I do not understand why she continues to attack. There is nothing to gain. It seems as if she is stuck in her anger. This has been contentious and adversarial from the beginning.

I will not be controlled. I will not be drawn into a firefight on terrain of her choosing. I will not be suckered into an ambush. I have set a perimeter. I am secure. I am working to ignore that tube. I am happy the locals have attempted to silence it. I wish they were more effective.