You are being so strong, I know that it might not feel like it at times but what you are doing takes an incredible amount of strength. Kudos to you!
This does all take time I'm afraid, a word I grew to hate was patience but it really was the key to progress. This does not mean sitting back and waiting but letting go of expectations that things will happen at certain times, or if this happens then this will.
In my sitch I had the greatest trouble letting go of 'stuff' - by which I mean the sale of our house. Someone gave me a good bit of advice once which was do you want your husband to come back because of your 'stuff' or because of you. I actually found that once we had let go of the 'stuff' through out which time I showed him grace, poise and that I was ok (throw in a bit of emotion because we are only human) was when we started to move into stage 2 - friendship. He then started asking to meet up with me which was a huge achievement because at the start of it all he would barely talk to me.
He also helped me move house and this was a good opportunity to be attractive. Men are very visual, look good. Not only will it help your situation it will also make you feel better. Show grace, I read a good book on 'feminine grace', yes this is a horrible time but you can cope and you are very evidentally doing so. Show him this by just being you, the you he fell in love with - he thinks you are smart and kind but are too dependent. Now is your time to show him you are Ms Independence by GALing.
Also, just a piece of advice I wish I had taken to heart although it is the hardest because it is scary. Don't be too available, read the bit in DR about this.
Don't expect too much too quickly. The problem is, how can they show you their feelings are changing until they are sure, just as they didn't before they dropped the bomb, hence the expression. Look for signs of progress in other ways, the fact that he is in contact with you, the fact that he does things for you (have you read the 5 love languages?).
Have a think about these questions and we can frame up some goals if you would like.
What would you like to change about your relationship?
What are you doing that is working and producing good results?
What are you doing that isn't working and producing bad results?
What can you do to be a more attractive prospect to him? As 25mlc says, be someone only a fool would leave.
you are doing a good job, I know it looks bleak and I understand all that you are feeling but you will get through it I promise.
