GridLocked

[MrD]

I'm a little confused. What is your reason for moving out and what is your primary goal? Do you want to save the marriage?

My reason is to detach and GAL, with the MIL paying the mortgage and controlling the finances right now it's like the W has the upper hand in controlling how my life is going on.
I wanted to save the marriage but right now I feel W is ashamed of something she did and is taking it out on me. Something has happened and she won't say what it was. I've done everything I can think of and now the ball is in her court.
W needs to realize what she has chosen I feel now.
I've lost intrest in keeping up the yard and around the house. And I'm more focused on selling my hobby stuff and my new Christian life.

[MrD]

"I'm really in the back seat on this, and feel not in control."

Then you need to get that control. Find some common ground with your kids. When your W butts in, tell her that you were in the middle of something with your son and continue on. You're they're dad and they're your sons. If I could find a way to relate to my two DAUGHTERS I'm sure you could do the same with your boys.

Go out and play catch with them. Take them hiking or camping. Go someplace that you know your W won't go. Take them fishing, hunting, or even just make a model or race remote control helicopters. Make it just YOUR time.

Is there any reason why you couldn't take your S7 with you to watch your older son play?

S7 did not want to go and he was tired.

I like that idea about remote control race. It reminded me that I have a couple of remote controlled cars and this evening we are going to do some racing once I get them ready.
Thanks for the idea!

[sandi2]

Moving out might provide physical detaching, but I'm not sure you are going to get what you think. However, your MIL doesn't need to have financial control.

I'm concerned that you are planning all of this and yet you don't know the first thing about setting up your own place. I'm afraid you are bitting off more than you can chew. You need to have a well laid plains in how you will do all of this....and not just jump out there....thinking it will all work out.

[MrD]

Moving out might provide physical detaching, but I'm not sure you are going to get what you think. However, your MIL doesn't need to have financial control.

I'm concerned that you are planning all of this and yet you don't know the first thing about setting up your own place. I'm afraid you are bitting off more than you can chew. You need to have a well laid plains in how you will do all of this....and not just jump out there....thinking it will all work out.

Sandi2,
I know what you are saying, and it's nothing I've done before(living on my own).
It is not really what I want to do but I'm stuck in this sitch. Emotionaly I'm pretty good at being detached, other than last night I asked for some sex.
That didn't go well, W said; "Really... You can't be serious".

[labug]

This all sounds very much like you are the victim in this.

Do you think you look or act like that man your W would be a fool to leave.?

What can you do to change that?

[MrD]

This all sounds very much like you are the victim in this.

Do you think you look or act like that man your W would be a fool to leave.?

What can you do to change that?

I do feel that I'm the perfect husband for our family but have failed to show that in the past. Lately W has no feelings for me.
She says she is happy now, but does things to push my buttons (like this afternoon while S12 and I were at the movie theater, she just piled my washed clothes on the bed and stated that since I didn't keep all my socks right side out, she wasn't folding my clothes anymore.)She knows I don't like wrinkley shirts.
W also stated that the question last night for sex made her mad. I replied, "it just a question and it didn't bother me that she said no."
Then she said "you are going to have to go to someone else instead, because I'm not going to have sex with you ever again."

[MrD]

I'd like to use a coach for DB'ing but our recent finacial trouble I've discovered since W told me she wants to seperate hasn't enought for phone coaching.
I'm currently still looking to move out and not support her, but my credit score is making rental really expensive. Plus I have about 25 years worth the stuff to get rid of and sell.
S7 is starting to show signs of distrust in us and the S12 is playing tough for now.
Today I've got no hope for this marriage have become very disgusted with what the W has done to our (almost) 25 years of M.
I'm almost done........

[labug]

You seem to be blaming everything on your wife and even call yourself the perfect husband. Do you really think that's the case? If so there is probably not much anyone here can help you with.

What did you do to contribute to the running of the household other than work a job outside the home?

How did you show your W you loved her?

How did you show your sons your love them? Maybe your son spending more time at someone else's house should be a wake-up call for you. Maybe it's not discipline he needs so much as love from his dad.

This is hard stuff and without being open to looking deep inside yourself and figuring out what you need to change, you will lose not only your marriage, but the R with your sons.

If you're done with the M, that's fine but you can never be done with your kids. They didn't ask to be put in the crappy situation, they deserve better.

[mac-ct]

Something has happened and she won't say what it was. I've done everything I can think of and now the ball is in her court.

She won't say what it is? Ae you saying you can't work it out? Think back and think hard. It's tough I know because I've been there.

I've lost intrest in keeping up the yard and around the house. And I'm more focused on selling my hobby stuff and my new Christian life.

Come on MrD - finding the Lord and saying "stuff the home - I'm sorting my stuff out" doesn't seem to be a very christian attitude. Sorry if that hurts but ...

[MrD]

Something has happened and she won't say what it was. I've done everything I can think of and now the ball is in her court.

She won't say what it is? Ae you saying you can't work it out? Think back and think hard. It's tough I know because I've been there.

I've lost intrest in keeping up the yard and around the house. And I'm more focused on selling my hobby stuff and my new Christian life.

Come on MrD - finding the Lord and saying "stuff the home - I'm sorting my stuff out" doesn't seem to be a very christian attitude. Sorry if that hurts but ...

I'm selling my past selfish hobby stuff. To me now that hobby is just that, STUFF.
I'm not saying I was a perfect father and husband then or now, but I'm now a much better father but the W won't let me be a husband at all.