Thanks Kml... we had a conversation this morning, and once again he says that he doesn't know how his life got to this point. I voiced my concern that it seems like this relationship with the OW is priority over our marriage, he says that all he is asking is for me to love him and give him time to break away from the other woman (so I don't know if he is really weak and stuck, or if he is just playing me). He says if it comes down to it, and he thinks he cannot break away on his own, he will ask me for help. Basically what he is trying to do is find her cheating on him, or a reason to break it off with her, where it is her fault and not his. I asked him why he didn't come home last night, and he said because she guilt tripped him. So I don't know what to believe, is my husband being emotionally manipulated by this woman and he is too weak, and hates himself so much that he has no fight in him? Or am I stupid??
I don't think you're stupid, Hopeful84, but I do think your husband is playing you. I mean, he's looking you right in the face and telling you "I need you to be my backup plan, in case this affair I'm having doesn't work out." I've posted here before that once the "I'm having an affair, YOU KNOW I'm having an affair, and now I KNOW THAT YOU KNOW that I'm having an affair" thing becomes the marital dynamic, I believe it's SERIOUSLY destructive to remain in such a situation. Because the cheating spouse rapidly loses respect (and therefore, love) for you, and perhaps even more importantly the betrayed spouse loses all SELF-respect.
I don't think it's stating it too strongly to say it's a form of emotional abuse, for a cheating spouse to continue to cheat, when they know their spouse already knows about it and lets them know how hurtful it is to them and to the marriage.
In my opinion, I think you should give him what he seems to want, and to let him go. It'll make YOU feel infitely better, and it will have the simultaneous effect of making you more attractive to him, should he decide to come to his senses.
