I hope to meet with her and ask her if she will allow me to learn a valuable lesson and let me buy her the couch.
The bolded above sounds doormat-ish and she might think you are just doing it to try to get her back (in my opinion). She won't see it a change, just a tactic.
I would say: "Ya know W, I have been thinking about this couch situation, you are right and I have changed my mind, let's go find a couch". This sounds more confident (a confident man CAN change his mind when someone gives them new information)...Act/Think as if you are buying one of your kids a couch for their apartment or dorm room...hold your emotions...our spouses know us SO WELL...they can sense things verbally/ visually/etc that we don't "think" we are showing (oh, and the reverse works for us as well...tune into her)...really get into a detached space when you do this.
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I welcome the opportunity to see and learn things that i need to see and identify areas that i truly need to change, but is this exercice healthy for her?
She already done this^^^ exercise many times to get where she is at.
You have nothing to lose, at least you will have it from the source in her own words. And if she is in MLC and the alien spew monster shows up, you will hear it all again, and differently, and that the changes you made are not the ones she wanted, and so forth. Hopefully you won't get that, but be prepared for it and just validate without taking blame.
If you get the response, just say thanks and put it away without reading it. Have you read and memorized Sandi2's 37 rules? Do it now, do it again.
Stop trying to control the outcome!!!
You can't.
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I still do not want to give up the hope of what we once had.
You can't have that. There is no going back, your old M is done...and as you walk this path, you will view things differently as you change, and will see that you really do want a new, improved M, not the old one you had...be open to it, allow you to change.
This is about YOU becoming the man you want to be for YOU, your kids and gkids, that only a fool would leave, and MAYBE W will like that man and want to be married to him...that part is up to God
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rebuilding the friendship
Yes, but don't push it right now, BACK OFF!!!
You know your sitch and W best. For me, when I truly backed-off, gave TONS of space, learned the art of silence (or, STFU) and engaged listening, and stopped trying to control the outcome, all of which helped my finally get the detachment thingy functional, then things started changing in both phases of my W's mlc ...
Hope this helps some...
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
