lol @ KD. Thanks for pointing out how ridiculous my w's statement was.
Thought I would take a break from my posting my deep inner thoughts and post a praise.
For those of you who've been with me for through this journey, you know that health insurance has been a huge struggle throughout my S and D process.
From my w kicking me of her plan, to me getting denied health insurance - to me jumping back on her plan (causing tons of friction and passive aggressiveness w/ my w). And the latest of my w's insurance doubling to $700/mo and there was no way to afford it...
... the road has been hard.I have lost much sleep over this.
Well.. I just found out that I was accepted for an individual plan that is $100 less than what I'm currently paying. Granted it's not as good as coverage, but I'm hardly sick (knocks on wood) and will save my a$$ should an emergency happen.
Huge burden off my shoulders and I am so thankful for the prayers. They were definitely answered.
Today is a big reminder that I will get through this. Not because I am strong enough to handle it... but because the big man upstairs has his eye on me.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
Yes Val he provides in his own ways. You will be fine even more than fine. Don't you h8 this dependency thing? I did but I'm free now thanks to this very painful experience. I have begun to like me again. It has taken a while (freaking year) but I'm better. You are in my prayers buddy
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Hi Val, I am so glad to hear that you found insurance. That must be a big relief. He is definitely watching over you! You have a great deal of good karma built up for how you have helped me. I have some of your quotes on post-its up around my house
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
I am so happy to hear that you found insurance. It has to be a relief. I am not looking forward to that process.
Originally Posted By: Valeska19
Today is a big reminder that I will get through this. Not because I am strong enough to handle it... but because the big man upstairs has his eye on me.
I managed to separate everything that needs to be separated.
All that's left is the papers.
Journaling
The process of this D has been very interesting in a way. There have been a ton of times where I just can't help but wonder...
When I started looking for my own health insurance, I got an email my w kicked me off hers.
There have been emails in regards to mediation that I was composing and she wrote the same back.
Even down to last week - I was calling my car insurance company about a check I was owed... and in the middle of the phone call - I get an email from W checking on that very thing.
It's not like I am thinking about these things for a week. It's all within the 48hr waiting period I give myself in regards to W.
Most of the time though.. it's less than 24 hrs too when this happens.
It's very strange. It would also seem like these are all signs that it's time to move on and be done.
On the other hand..
Any time I think it's time to sign the papers and that I'm ready (compose email and everything) - I get booked with insane amounts of work.
I was unable to work most of June due to my vacation - but I was working through stuff emotionally.
.. now that I feel that I am strong enough to do this... I get a call today asking me to leave for a movie for 4 wks.
To not take the job is silly. Who doesn't love S.F? Who doesn't want to make a movie that takes place on a boat, fishermans village, and an ISLAND?
I will grow so much from this as an Assistant Director and it will be bring me closer to my days to go union.
It's a great opportunity for me... and that's all I have now.
But at the same time.. I don't want to keep putting the signing off.
Because I don't like that there is a part of me that "hopes" all these work assignments are just buying me extra time.
My w has shown me no actions otherwise. It's unhealthy for me to think that way.
When it comes to D day. The thought of spending so much time with my w, only have her tell me she is sad.. and cry when she walks away, is too much to bear alone.
I've always wanted to take my closest friends.. but they too have been unavailable up until recently.
But my friend isn't available before I leave on Thursday.
Of course I have options:
1) Sign on Tuesday by myself 2) Wait till I get back (now August) 3) Fly back to for a weekend to take care of it (just thought of that)
I must say it's a little hard trying to decipher what's best for me in all of this. To see the false hope, the fear.. or whatever.
I will keep journaling about it for sure. Guidance and wisdom are much appreciated.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
Val: Take the job for sure, it will be good for you. And focus on it (no flying back). Signing yourself would seem to be a 180 for you. Get this phase over with. Hanging on is doing you no good. Perhaps something will change down the road, perhaps not. But limbo is no good. Any neiter is beating yourself up.
Just MHO. Good luck, my friend.
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
I agree with Bug, sounds like an awesome opportunity, go!! And take your time deciding what is best for you concerning the papers. What will feel better in SF, having it over with or not? You know yourself best.
I guess I wonder too if you feel as if there is anything unsaid or left to say w/ W before the day?
((( )))
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Val, Congratulations! It is very nice to see good things coming to you my friend!
As for the other, please let me qualify my perspective as being from the other side and done.
Do what you need to do to get here. This grass is much greener than that within the limbo and drama zone. Yea there are still challenges, but I can appreciate the blue skies and the birds singing here.
I assume (ya I know) that the papers can be left with a disinterested third party to be filed with the court and there will be witnesses for the signatures. If your interests about this which you are discarding are being watched over my advice is to sign and continue boarding onto the rest of your life.
One can fish or cut bait. It is time to fish, for you have cut all the bait there is.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
