Live for you. Do not mind-read. Continue to make progress
On Saturday, W came over after work to pickup Ds. She stayed for a bit. I made her dinner and we shared some wine. We made plans to do some shopping on Sunday and goto breakfast.
She asked if I was going out that night and I responded yes. I didn't feel like going out because I really wanted to spend time with the W, but I wanted to make the W think I had plans. My plan was to stay in and watch movies with the W.
After she left, I decided I was going to text her an invite to hang out. I waited about an hour and sent her a funny text with an invite to hang out. Her response was "Sorry but I'll have to take a raincheck. You said you had plans..."
This threw me for a loop. I played it cool with the W and simply said "Ok. Raincheck". But inside, I was backsliding big time. Things were going so well, how can she make plans so quickly after leaving my house? I started to snoop. I ended up going out with friends with a bad attitude. I drove by W apartment and saw OM car.
I didn't have much fun that night and drove by W apartment on the way home. This time, I realized the car I thought was OM's was not his. It was the same car, but not his. WTF.
The next day we had a lot of fun spending the day with the Ds shopping and going to lunch. W told me that my text invitation was funny. I responded "Apparently not funny enough". W said that I said I had plans and couldn't ask her out at the last minute.
I ruined my night on Saturday because I didn't concentrate on me and was treating this like a game. I was more concerned with being cool/sly and then too concerned with what I thought W was doing, which was completely wrong. She watched a movie with the Ds and went to bed at 10pm. If I would have invited her to watch movies when she was picking up the Ds, she would have said yes.
I am in my sitch because W and I got too comfortable. The excitement and romance was gone. I am moving too fast and falling back into bad practices. I have to be the new me and not the old. I can't just assume W will do what I ask. W is hinting that our R is progressing.
From bomb to where I am now felt like an eternity. For W and I to return to a R is going to take a lot longer. It is going to be a slow process. I have to remind myself of this. Slow down. Don't rush.
I am confident that W and I will R or at least attempt it. It is going to be a new courtship. I have to break down all the walls she built up over the years. Seeing her future as bleak because we never went on trips or had any fun. Her feeling trapped because all she did was watch the Ds and was dependent on me for money. I have to rebuild my trust with the W. It is apparent that I don't fully trust her right now even though she isn't doing anything wrong. Slow and steady.
There is one thing that I am struggling with at this time. My W's only friend she hangs out with is the mother of OM. She has friends she will go out with, but this is the friend she will just chill with and have dinner and watch movies. OM still lives with his mother. While I semi-trust my W, I think her being around mother of OM puts her around OM. What kind of advice is this woman giving my W? W told me, and I heard from others, that her and OM are basically done. I backslid and snooped on Saturday and this is holding true.
This week we have plans to goto the beach on Wednesday for Independence day and this weekend is our trip. She is really excited about this trip, as am I.
M-40 W-33 D3, D4, SD13 T 9 YEARS M 5 YEARS ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
