W biggest complaint was control. But during this last weekend it seems as though she wants me to make all the decisions. Isn't that giving me control. When we started dating she was only 18 and I was 30. So I think maybe she turned to me for Stability and control. I never intentionally told her not to do anything. But I did do the finances and made decisions. I always took our family as a whole into consideration and consulted with her. From my point of view I thought we were doing things together. As time went on and we grew together she started to grow in her career and maybe didn't need that as much from me. It made me feel as though I wasn't needed as much. But I was proud of her and let her know how proud I was and what a great job she was doing. We did argue a lot this past year and she told me that she was constantly worried about getting me mad. I have taken control of that anger now. I think it was fear maybe or just letting little things get at me. Now I see what is really important.
The one thing that im not sure if it has been mentioned is what broke her finally. I'm not sure if it got lost in all my other posts. I emailed private pictures of her that we took in the privacy of our bedroom to her BIL. And he in turn sent me pictures of his W.(my W's sister). And we got caught. I know it was wrong when we did it. I'm not proud of it and I feel sad for betraying my W's trust. That is why I am finding it hard to detach, because I am also trying to gain her trust back at the same time. My W says that what I did is worse than cheating on her. She is also afraid that her BIL showed the pictures to everyone he knows and is afraid that people will see her all over the Internet. I don't believe that he did. I think it was just a juvenile thing on our part.
My BIL and W's sister have already reconciled. They pretty much have gone through the same thing. I guess except for the history of my W & I. My W has to see the BIL at family events and despises him. I told her a couple of times that divorcing me wont make those fears or him go away.
I don't know what to do. I messed this up in the end. But I feel it was both of our doing in the whole relationship. No communication from her and me just being angry and arrogant. I am going to a counselor and have been since this started.
One of the reasons I am excited about my W asking questions about me is because it is showing me she does care. Which she showed no interest before.
